Rain, Rain go away....

So, I've spent three weeks going crazy over my horse as she blows a gravel out her heel and now that she is rideable and fine it WILL NOT stop raining! That is some kind of horrid karma, I imagine. I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this.

We have ridden... we rode in the yard a few times and yesterday we went on a short trail ride with Lisa - who was getting a horse ready to go to camp for a few weeks. That was fun - we haven't ridden together since just after Lisa found out she was pregnant... so it was good to get out.

The good news is that they rescheduled the show for July 5th which means that we have a week and a half to get our stuff together and we should be able to do all of our classes - if I can get that amount of money together. We are now left with a lot of work to do and rainy days to do it in... if I'm lucky the rain will stop long enough for the bugs to come and eat us alive! Yesterday I worked on her trot in the yard, getting her to slow it down and trying very hard not to fuss with her head so much... I think that is where we went wrong at the first show - she was fired up and her head was up and I spent the whole day messing with her mouth and not trying anything else to slow her down and that pissed us both off.

I am still worried about her feet - she had another pocket where she was shedding off some frog on her front feet and we are putting benadyne on it every day to keep it hard and clean. She is back to being sound but after the multitude of opinions that I got about her feet when she was off, I worry that I am not doing the right thing. What I have decided to do is give her some more time... She still isn't growing wall on her back feet as much as she should, according to Bethany, so I am considering shoes for the rest of the summer - could pull them off after E. Corinth and then let her get back to normal over the winter. That way I wouldn't have to worry about her being 'ouchy' on the rocks, etc. and it would give her feet some time to strenghten and grow.

In any case, I have a lot of riding to do before I will know exactly how she is doing and where we are... I feel so stalled - stalled in riding, yes, but stalled in life too. I am starting to get very frustrated with being laid off... I try so hard to stay in a routine and take care of myself and be good to the people around me but at times I think the turn that things have taken is dramatically unfair. I hate not having the sense of purpose that goes with having a place you 'must' be everyday. I hate getting up in the morning and knowing that this is another day that I don't have a job. I cannot stand going to bed at night and that it doesn't matter what time it is b/c I do not have a commitment for the next day - it's not that I don't enjoy the time I get to spend doing other things... if it wasn't for Lisa, who is off work on maternity leave, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. We've been taking care of the barn and of the baby and I like to think that I am useful at times. There are so many things I am grateful to have had the time to do - like ride at Amanda's and trail ride with Betsy in the middle of the week... but each thing I do and each day that goes by is one day farther away from my being a marketable employee... I cannot help but wonder if my value is diminishing as we go.

I am hoping to get a school job for the fall and be able to relax for the rest of the summer. There is less to apply for than when I got laid off and I am frustrated with how little I've accomplished in getting resumes out.

The monotony of the last few weeks has been broken up by having our houseguests, Scott and Nikki, and their baby, Isaac, staying with us. Scott is a great cook and is making us dinners and Isaac is walking now and is into everything. It's nice to have the company as Karl is either doing baseball stuff or is at work or sleeping... I wonder is this third shift job will wear us all out or just him.

I guess despite Sky being better, I am just sad... not sure if it's the weather or if it's not having a job or if it's the lack of time I spend with my husband. I think the more I get into the saddle the less I will worry about where money is going to come from or what will happen next. I will be happy, I think, when sitting on Sky feels normal again as riding feels so strange after three weeks away. My faith in the future is thin, except that I know there is another day coming.

C

PS - sorry - this wasn't meant to be depressing!