Journey

Wow, I guess it's been awhile.

I was in the bookstore last night and was reading about wedding websites and blogs and had a thought for a moment that I should start one, but then I thought, "no, I HAVE a blog"...that I barely write on anymore, I suppose.

It's not for lack of things going on, I can assure you all. I am busier than I should be, and as I sit here on Sunday morning with my hot cup of coffee and the quiet that this house never experiences except for early weekend mornings, my mind is reeling in possibilities.

Sky is amazing. She is doing very well. We worked pretty hard to get ready to show last Sunday...Lisa rode her a bunch of times and I rode in the yard a lot, foregoing the trail in favor of working on that crazy lope of hers, trying to get her to slow down. By last Saturday I was feeling relatively confident and ready to go...and then came the rain. Buckets of rain with weather reports warning of lightening and tornatos, so no show for us. Oh well. Honestly, I wasn't that heartbroken about it.

We went and did a cow horse clinic a few weeks ago with some girls from the Blackwater group and it was a blast. Sky did me proud and showed off that she hasn't forgotten any of the training from NM. She did the rollbacks better than any horse there, I have to say. She did great on the cow until it tried to climb through the fence, but that scared me too! I for one cannot wait to try it again.

So life has been a whirlwind. Dave has been laid off for a few weeks here, and is slowly starting to work for his and Adam's company - a gig that will turn full time as soon as they take over their family friends' company this summer. We have been showing this house - attempting to sell it which is an exercise in patience I am failing miserably at... mostly b/c we are hopeful that we will be able to buy a house in Bow which the opportunity for fell into our laps in a big way. Circumstances had to be 'just so' for us to even know about it, let alone get the ball rolling before another bump in the road. We are consumed by the possibility of this house and the waiting is, as you might guess, difficult.

I have a hard time trying to remember to not get ahead of myself, because the thousand false starts before this tell me that this will not work out either, but the dreamer in me cannot stop the momentum...I dream about quiet days spent at this place, with my husband and my horse and future dogs and cats and more horses (not too many, mind you). I am already heart-set on having the wedding there and neither Dave or I can stop talking about it. It sounds like love, huh?

Life is about journey. You never "end up" anywhere until you are dead, I think. Life has motion. and inertia. Dreams don't stop for broken hearts or circumstances or empty bank accounts. We move and life moves and there is no getting out of the way...only moving forward. It's hard to deal with sometimes b/c you can want to drag your feet, desperate to stop, at times. But other times you are rolling with the motion and enjoying every moment, like you would on a roller coaster or cantering through an open field.

Dave talks sometimes about just wanting to be in our own house and with our own lives, but I try to remember that we need to enjoy where we are now b/c we'll never be here again. I am going to remember this time as a great time....the best I can hope for is to miss these Sunday mornings in this house and these crazy times when I am spending every spare moment ripping up floors and cleaning out barns and doing God-knows-what.

Anyway, enough philosophy for now. Dave is up... and we're moving again.

Love you all.

C

The Latest...Parts 1 and 2

Part 1 - Driving a Standard

So, I am doing my very best to think of what to do with my horse. Part of me feels like I'm expecting too much out of her b/c I'm like a college kid who can't pick a major! I think about this summer and all the possibilities of things I want to do and I can't decide...I want to trail ride, I want to camp, I want to do team sorting and push cows around, I want to ride Western Pleasure shows, I want to do showmanship, I want to ride English, I want to do gymkhana.... phew...no wonder she's ok at a lot of things and not really good at anything...

So, in the spirit of trying to do one thing at a time (something that's working at my new job), I rode her and thought about what I needed first... First I needed her to stop flipping out on the trail when she can't go as fast as she wants and second, I want to work on getting her reining one handed for when we do our ranch work clinic in May.

After her escapade on the trail a couple of weekends ago, I had Lisa ride her a little bit and we started working her in a snaffle and working on 'long and low'..getting her to stretch her neck out and down rather than just tucking her chin to her chest to avoid the bit. In riding her a few times working on this, I realized a few things about my horse...the most important of which is that she will do a lot to avoid having to do things the hard way... she's funny.. she'll avoid the bit, throw out a shoulder or hip, lean on the rein pressure..all to avoid doing the work... but she tries and the more I work with her the more she seems to get it.

But in doing this I'm looking at her and I wonder... am I pushing her the right way? Is she a "pleasure horse"...does she look stupid with her head low and trotting super slowly? Am I wasting a lot of time getting her to hold herself a certain way if down the road I want to do something else?

My car broke the other day. I couldn't see how fast I was going or how much gas I had... So I flipped out and had visions of big mechanic bills but Dave took it all in stride...just like he always does and he suggested I might take his car to work the next day if he couldn't fix it right away. Now, I can drive a standard..I did it for two weeks once.. but I don't do it every day so I am out of practice. It's more thinking than driving automatic...it takes more steps...gas, clutch, shift, gas...brakes, clutch, shift, gas....on and on.. with an automatic you just drive ...faster, slower, but with a standard there's more. You can shift down and go slower and never touch the brake...you can shift up and get more power...

So, my point is that Sky is a standard and I've been driving her automatic...She needs shifting... she knows more than just driving... There's SO MUCH to think of but I have to have faith that when I put the clutch in at the right moment, and when I learn to shift at the right time, she's going to feel like the sports car she is and not the sedan I've been riding... :)

Part 2 - Peer Pressure

So, I have officially bowed to peer pressure. I broke down and ordered a helmet. I am getting old and old people stop being stupid. I love my life and people who love their lives want to stay alive. I get scared sometimes and a little security is a glorious thing, so I've found.

I mainly want to stop being the only person on organized rides NOT wearing a helmet and want to have it around for other times.

But today I decided not only am I going to have a helmet, I'm going to actually wear it! Sky and I were tooling around in the front yard, doing a rollback or two against the fence, when I walked her up parallel to the fence, facing down the road...I stopped her, I paused and as I was about to turn her into the fence and get her to turn on her butt, I heard the familiar and expected squeal of brakes of the UPS truck Josh was waiting for! I knew it was going to carrean to a halt right behind me beside the road... I knew it was going to be loud and that Sky couldn't see it. And in the moment that I thought "I'm FUCKED!" the sounds came and Sky was gone...She bolted across the yard and for a moment I thought I would stay on and then she hopped a little and I slid around my saddle and just when I had it so I thought I might be ok, she tripped HARD and although she didn't fall to her knees, I was suddenly on the ground... Back first, then head and by the time I stopped saying "ow ow" and looked up, the UPS guy was halfway down the driveway carrying two large boxes... he half-heartedly asked if I was ok and I'm not sure if it was Sky or myself who gave him the dirtier look. She was standing across the yard, not far from where I fell, reins under her feet, breathing hard and staring down the UPS guy with a look that I can only describe as scared disdain. She was easy to catch and I thank Lisa for getting on her again while I found an ice pack.

I am grateful I am ok. I am grateful Sky is ok and I'm still pissed at the UPS guy, but I guess that there are less people who know about horses than those who don't and I can't blame a person for ignorance.

The super ironic part is that I had a package from State Line Tack waiting for me at home and had I had it sent to Josh and Lisa's rather than home like I'd thought to, the UPS guy who scared the shit out of my horse and \caused me to fall would've been carrying my new helmet!

Now that's irony!

Love to you all.

C

A breath of Spring

So, my blogger reading friends, life is renewed...spring has sprung.. the birds are chirping and the sun is shining and you can smell that smell - you know that smell - the earth free of the snow once again, the sun warming the inside of your car, the fresh sweet smell of possibility wafts through the air.

For those of you who haven't heard, the powers that be at Freudenberg NOk in Northfield have finally freed me from the shackles of being a temporary employee and have FINALLY started to pay me a decent wage (well, not yet but in a couple days I'll get my first Real paycheck since March of 2009!)

It's a relief, to say the least. I am actually making more than I did before I got laid off, which is the final FU to my old company, who not only couldn't see my potential, but refused to allow my true personality to seep into my job.

Anyway, enough bitterness.. I'm over that. Really. Today I am looking forward to a new day and a new summer - one in which I will be working my butt off... I am vowing to live up to the old saying, "work hard, play hard" - in fact, I declare that my motto for the summer.

Here's my plan:

1. Work Work Work - hey, I'm stuck there anyway, so I might as well be super good at it, right?! Plus, I have a new respect for what it takes to get a job and keep a job and I have a new gratitude for the simple privilege of getting up daily and "getting" to go to work

2. Play, Play, Play!!! (and play more!) - I have spent the winter eating a LOT of vegetables and now I"m down to a stealthy 17 pounds from November!.... So I am taking the summer to enjoy it - I am using my new ability to run 3.25 miles on a treadmill to try to shove my butt up a mountain or two!... I want to hike, bike, kayak, camp and basically have a good time with my good friends.

3. Ride, Ride, Ride - Sky is in for it! I want to play with cows, ride English, do gymkhanas, show pleasure, and trail ride and horse camp! I might not do it all to blue ribbon quality, but I plan on having a kick ass time trying!

So, that's the plan. Phew.. this fresh air is getting to my head! Honestly, I am so happy I just want to enjoy life! I want to take every day in with a gratitude and a grace and a joy that is worthy of the life I live. My only wish has got to be that I can see the good side of every day and be in the moment, enjoying all the things I am blessed with.

Ok - I do realize I sound like a fairy tail princess, like in ENCHANTED... I'll stop... soon... maybe... I guess love does that to you!

So, today I saw Sky and brushed off what I could of her winter woollies (and she was WOOLY)... but I didn't RIDE.. yeah, me.. I didn't ride.. I now feel like one of those people that runs out to the barn every afternoon just to brush and give my horse mint flavored treats before I tuck her into her deeply bedded stall with a warmed blanket and a bedtime story every night..... I actually questioned myself, "am I one of those people?" My answer quickly became no when I whispered to Sky that she better rest up b/c she's in for it. :)

Ok, people, I'm off for the night... big day of life tomorrow... call me up and We'll ride!

C

Peppered Sky, will you be my Valentine?

So, today, the most romantic day of the year, my fiance and my best friends' husband are snowmobiling together. Lisa and I spent the day with a bunch of women! (and a gelding!)... we got together with the ladies from the barn and hoofed it down the road... seven of us total!

It was an interesting ride.. Sky was happy to be chosen to come out of the field and although she seemed a bit uncertain of her saddle going on after a whole two months off, she was proud to lead the group out the driveway.

Oh, my Sky...she wanted to be in front...power walk the whole way so that we might get home as soon as possible! ha ha ha ha... oh Sky - your momma hasn't gotten soft over the winter! I made her go in the back and slow her walk and stay with those in the rear.... she threw a little tantrum at first...ears pinned, foot stomping...too much energy! But she settled down after a while and overall was a good listener.

We went down the road and around again...just a short loop to get the kinks out... too cold for much else but it was nice just the same...it was so wonderful to sit astride my beautiful horse! I love her so...missed her lately. We have big plans for this summer and it looks like with this group, they will be achieved.

Anyway, sorry, not up much for writing but I wanted to say hello and happy Valentine's to all of those who have four-legged, long-nosed, fuzzy loves out there.

C

Winter Goes On...

Hello again people...

I watched Julie and Julia this weekend and I think that any serious blogger would ban me from the world of blogging for writing as little as I do...what can I say, I have a life!

It has been both a comfort and a burdon this winter... I am living in Goffstown and although I enjoy greatly getting home and preparing and eating meals with not only my fiance but my soon to be new brother and sister in law, it does kill the majority of my night. I have a 45 minute drive to and from work and it's a killer most days to drive past good 'ol exit 17, where my horse and my best friend reside. But it's cold and it's dark and the comforts of home are calling me.

Those of you who know me know I am NOT a winter rider. I prefer much to wait until the spring when I do not have to fear losing my toes to the bitter cold. This winter I am leaving Sky alone much more than I ever have and I am trying not to let my anxiety that she will turn into a bucking bronco over the winter get the better of me. Last winter I insisted on getting on her at least once a month, and despite my silliness, she was more mature and grown up in the spring for having been left alone.

So this winter I am concentrating on losing some of my extra weight (down 13.1 pounds since November!) and getting my affairs in order so that when Spring hits, I can tackle all my lofty horse ambitions! Hopefully I will have a 'real' job by then with the real pay to go with it so I can afford all those dreams!

Anyway, it was a sad day this weekend at the barn when Lisa found the new black pony, Maddie, had colicked overnight beyond help and had to be put down. The vet told her that Maddie was about 25, and at the end of a long life. I can only be grateful that Lisa saved that horse from an end unworthy of the service I am sure she gave to some lucky children. I know that Lisa did her best to make her comfortable and honor her last day.

On a brighter note, we are getting ready to have our first barn pot luck as there are SO many of us boarders at "my farm" now. I cannot even keep them straight in my mind and can't wait to get to know them all better - and better yet, plan rides and camping trips and showing excursions and parades (just kidding about the last one!).... but seriously, maybe I can drag my dear Lisa to camp with the horses one time!

Ok. I am off to bed... another long winter night with only dreams of my horse.... But I have no complaints, people... I am a lucky girl. I have love and I have a job to go to tomorrow and I have an ice cream bar to look forward to (hey, I'm dieting, cut me some slack!)... Seriously, I have so much to be thankful for and I am grateful for each breath I take...

Good night.. sweet dreams... tomorrow be grateful for your horse. Stick your nose into his or her fuzzy neck and honor the service they give you!

Love you all - so very much.

C

PONIES!

So, hello people! It's winter, but it's a plethera of activity at the barn and nothing can make me want the snow to melt more!

First, Lisa has decided to foster two ponies (PONIES) through NEER in response to a group that has been trying to save horses out of an auction killpen every week. So, the two horses who are safe and sound in her stalls were picked out of a group that would have been sent to slaughter...amazingly enough the two she got are sweeties! One is a Halflinger (now named Jersey) who is about as wide as she is tall and has a back that you could eat dinner off of! I can't wait to get up on her - she looks like an absolute blast! Lisa wants to try using her for games this year - fun! The second one is a black pony (Maddie) who is small enough to hook your arm around, but stocky enough for bigger kids. She has the possiblity to be leased by a young woman who is coming to the barn.

Speaking of people coming to the barn - holy crap, when it rains it pours. Not only do we have Jordon - our only poor gelding whose owner's name I cannot recall- but we have a lady named Dawn who has two horses coming - one that's hers and one that's her daughters. Then there is Kelly, who has a big Appy mare named Abby. (Ha ha - Abby the Appy). There are 2 more and I am so bad that I don't remember their names... luckily Lisa put together a pot luck dinner so we can all get to know each other.

My only hope is that we all get along and that we manage to actually ride togther as the spring comes.

Other than that, there is not much going on - it's quiet and that's how I like it. I am working and coming home and spending time with my new fiance and my friends. It's a good life and I am blessed and happy.

On a side note, we've been doing Weight Watchers and I am down 11.5 pounds total so far... so excited! At least Sky will be appreciative this summer!

Love you all,

C

Can you burst open from happiness?

Hi All -

I am, obviously from this post's title, doing well. Honestly, I cannot remember having ever been THIS full of joy and hope for the future - THIS excited to live every day - THIS happy for every moment, big or small... I literally have a cheek ache from smiling on a daily basis and think I may burst open at the seams simply form being so happy.

OK...I know.. I sound like a nut-job that should be put in a padded cell - or maybe you are thinking, where can I get the drugs this girl is taking?

All I know is that life is full of changes and turns in the road... a few short months ago I was wondering why it was taking me down such a sad path and as much as I had hope for the future that the road would wind back toward HappyTown, the idea that the highway of my life would, around a short bend, climb and twist and turn into one of those fun drives where you blare the radio and roll down the windows and breathe in the smells of fresh cut grass and sunshine...all the while feeling like a rock star... well, that idea was just beyond my comprehension.

Rather than detail for you the timeline of the events of the past few months, which most of you know, I can only say that I am truly blessed. I have been blessed with friends who are there to pull you through and can tell when you are in desperate need of a good time. I have been blessed with family who understand who you are and accept that you will change. I have been so, so, blessed with more love than I could possibly deserve...someone who is honest and ernest and kind..someone who has the kind of consideration for others and deep sense of caring that I can only admire...someone whose presence I cannot get enough of - and I am SO Blessed that this person loves ME and feels all these things for ME and (GASP) want to marry ME!

What!? Seriously?! Seriously. I am engaged! Engaged! We are thinking a warm month, sometime in 2011 but it's not about one day - it's about a lifetime of adventures and triumphs..it's about spending my life in a true partnership with someone who wants the same things and is willing to work hard for that life.

So, even though it's winter I am looking forward to all things Spring - a new beginning.

Sky is safe and happy and fuzzy and I have thoughts about riding English as well as doing cow work this summer.

Lots of love to you all! Take care of yourselves... and perhaps a bit of advice from somone who knows...you NEVER know what is around the bend.

C