PONIES!

So, hello people! It's winter, but it's a plethera of activity at the barn and nothing can make me want the snow to melt more!

First, Lisa has decided to foster two ponies (PONIES) through NEER in response to a group that has been trying to save horses out of an auction killpen every week. So, the two horses who are safe and sound in her stalls were picked out of a group that would have been sent to slaughter...amazingly enough the two she got are sweeties! One is a Halflinger (now named Jersey) who is about as wide as she is tall and has a back that you could eat dinner off of! I can't wait to get up on her - she looks like an absolute blast! Lisa wants to try using her for games this year - fun! The second one is a black pony (Maddie) who is small enough to hook your arm around, but stocky enough for bigger kids. She has the possiblity to be leased by a young woman who is coming to the barn.

Speaking of people coming to the barn - holy crap, when it rains it pours. Not only do we have Jordon - our only poor gelding whose owner's name I cannot recall- but we have a lady named Dawn who has two horses coming - one that's hers and one that's her daughters. Then there is Kelly, who has a big Appy mare named Abby. (Ha ha - Abby the Appy). There are 2 more and I am so bad that I don't remember their names... luckily Lisa put together a pot luck dinner so we can all get to know each other.

My only hope is that we all get along and that we manage to actually ride togther as the spring comes.

Other than that, there is not much going on - it's quiet and that's how I like it. I am working and coming home and spending time with my new fiance and my friends. It's a good life and I am blessed and happy.

On a side note, we've been doing Weight Watchers and I am down 11.5 pounds total so far... so excited! At least Sky will be appreciative this summer!

Love you all,

C

Can you burst open from happiness?

Hi All -

I am, obviously from this post's title, doing well. Honestly, I cannot remember having ever been THIS full of joy and hope for the future - THIS excited to live every day - THIS happy for every moment, big or small... I literally have a cheek ache from smiling on a daily basis and think I may burst open at the seams simply form being so happy.

OK...I know.. I sound like a nut-job that should be put in a padded cell - or maybe you are thinking, where can I get the drugs this girl is taking?

All I know is that life is full of changes and turns in the road... a few short months ago I was wondering why it was taking me down such a sad path and as much as I had hope for the future that the road would wind back toward HappyTown, the idea that the highway of my life would, around a short bend, climb and twist and turn into one of those fun drives where you blare the radio and roll down the windows and breathe in the smells of fresh cut grass and sunshine...all the while feeling like a rock star... well, that idea was just beyond my comprehension.

Rather than detail for you the timeline of the events of the past few months, which most of you know, I can only say that I am truly blessed. I have been blessed with friends who are there to pull you through and can tell when you are in desperate need of a good time. I have been blessed with family who understand who you are and accept that you will change. I have been so, so, blessed with more love than I could possibly deserve...someone who is honest and ernest and kind..someone who has the kind of consideration for others and deep sense of caring that I can only admire...someone whose presence I cannot get enough of - and I am SO Blessed that this person loves ME and feels all these things for ME and (GASP) want to marry ME!

What!? Seriously?! Seriously. I am engaged! Engaged! We are thinking a warm month, sometime in 2011 but it's not about one day - it's about a lifetime of adventures and triumphs..it's about spending my life in a true partnership with someone who wants the same things and is willing to work hard for that life.

So, even though it's winter I am looking forward to all things Spring - a new beginning.

Sky is safe and happy and fuzzy and I have thoughts about riding English as well as doing cow work this summer.

Lots of love to you all! Take care of yourselves... and perhaps a bit of advice from somone who knows...you NEVER know what is around the bend.

C

December

Hello All.

Life is once again covered in a blanket of snow, and the world is colder and headed again for a long hibernation. I'd say quiet but that is the exact opposite of life at the moment! All I wish for for Christmas is a little peace and quiet.

I love Christmas. I do. I love trees with white lights and driving around to look at houses, hot chocolate in hand. I love Christmas songs and ornaments and warm nights with family full of laughter. What I don't like about Christmas is the endless shopping with money I don't have, fighting crowds of people doing the same. I don't like festering over who gets cards and who gets presents and who gets homemade cookies I only wish I had time to bake. It's the gifts that make me wish Christmas would just be over with... and don't get me started on gift cards...the stupid idea of gift cards! If you are going to give me $20 and I am going to give you $20, couldn't we have just kept our money and said Happy Holidays.

Anyway, it's that time of year again, like it or not and after this and New Years' it's just an endless winter which I will be bitching about not being able to ride in. Hopefully I will be keeping too busy to really think about that. My "job" which I can't really call al real job because it's not going to be permanaent for a while (if at all - they are keeping me on temp status for an indefinate amount of time) is keeping me busy. I like the work, it's a good mix of everyday tasks and larger projects that pop up. The mix of people in the building is interesting enough to make the days go by fast and I am finding myself hoping more and more that one day they keep me for real....like Little Orphan Annie.

There are also plans this winter to re-introduce me to the wonderful world of snomobiling! HA! I used to go with my old trainer, down in Winchester, when I lived Keene during the winters there when riding wasn't a real option. I rode on the back of hers, going on short trips and once riding all the way to Keene for lunch. I liked it then. Of course I had a lot of equipment to borrow to keep me warm and an experienced driver to take the helm.

This winter my boyfriend, Dave, and Lisa's husband and good friend, Josh, are excited to get me out when they go. There are three sleds here..one that belongs to Lisa which gets used much more by the array of friends who come to ride with the boys. This winter the sled has been promised to me for first dibs and hopefully I will love it and not kill myself! Ha... I doubt either one of them will let me do that.. well, not the first few times out anyway.

So, we are waiting for snow and waiting for winter to work it's way through our lives once again. Sky is beautiful per usual... fuzzy like a wild Indian pony on the plains... I love how she fuzzes up and looks so sweet and innocent in the winter. I love letting her out to just be a horse for while, with no worries of shows and trails and trailer rides. She is enjoying a new friendship with a gelding boarder who has arrived by the name of Jordon and he and her are the lowest of the herd.

We had some friends over for dinner the other night and Avery, their older son, had a blast feeding the horses apples and carrots, trying to determine in his five-year-old mind which one was the biggest. It was so incredibly sweet and I was so proud of them all... glad that these, my only of my older friends to have made an effort to stay in touch, were there to be a part of my new life. It meant so much to me and it still does. I missed the 'ol Christmas party with that group of friends... partly b/c I had a tupperware event scheduled for that day and partly b/c I wasn't sure that it was the right place for me to be. I love all the children and my old friends, that I had with Karl, aren't bad people, they just had a way as a group of never letting me in.

I cannot exactly describe how I am doing. I feel at home in my skin, and at peace with exactly who I am. I know that I am accepted and I have stopped really looking for approval (except from my parents, who I never will). I am trying to live life to the fullest every day. My uncle passed away recently - suddenly - and it showed me that you never have any idea what will happen next and you should take each day as a blessing.

Merry Christmas everyone. I love you.

C

I admit, I am awful!

Hey all.

Sorry - AGAIN... Yes, I have been super busy and I guess that is a good thing 'cause otherwise I might go crazy.

First, some housekeeping news... I got a job! Not a permanent one, mind you, but a temporary one which will do for now. Cross your fingers, people... they are keeping me through December and it's possible it could turn into a real job, which would be the answer to my prayers and a way to finally get my life back in order completely.... Secondly, things with the new person in my life are also going really well (for those of you who are asking)... I haven't been this happy in a really long time and I am choosing to enjoy it!

So, now that you know what is new with me, I have an adventure to tell you about. Lisa and I have been talking lately about doing a "trash the dress" session with her photographer... so finally we managed to pin him down and he nicely agreed to meet us at SUNRISE at the beach so that we could have the opportunity to capture ourselves running down the beach - our once prized gowns flowing behind us like runaway brides!

We decided (wisely) that it would be a good idea to go the day before to not only scope out the best place for photos, but to get our horses used to the ocean! SO, we truck down there one Saturday and, once crusing the Hampton Beach strip, wonder where the hell we should park where we wouldn't be leading our horses down stone steps to the beach! .... AH, illegal parking on a dead end side street - awesome! The funniest part about that is that we really had to pee when we got there and I chose to find a spot between two cozy summer rentals - relax, people, they were empty!

So, Sky was super alert getting off the trailer and was seriously interested (and by interested I mean - HOLY CRAP THAT"S THE OCEAN!!!).... Yeah... she had her eyes and ears on that big, noisy, body of water for a while!

We walked the horses down the beach and tried our best to get them accustomed to the idea that the ocean was _gasp_ RIGHT THERE!

SO, we hopped on and headed down the beach, doing our best to ride out the spooks every time the waves crept up the beach.... Lisa worked very hard to get Onyx to stand in the water which resulted in, of course Onyx standing in the water, and Lisa getting a bootful of ocean and sand to take home!

A good ride under our belt (double hours for APHA as Hampton is a park!) we headed home to prep years' old dresses (which, FYI, didn't quite fit right anymore!) and get some sleep before we had to get up at 330 AM and go right back to the beach.

Let me tell you - 330 came early! Coffee in hand, we packed up our confused ponies and trucked out again. Dan, the crazy photographer who agreed to this, was already there proclaiming he hadn't slept!

Ok. For those of you who have not had the experience of hoisting yourself up onto a thousand pound animal, who is extrodinarily worried about the ginormous body of water to her left, while wearing a very heavy gown - let me tell you, it's an interesting event. Lisa chose to climb up on a nearby picnic table and mount from there, but me, I hopped up from the ground. Geeze, I love my horse! She moved a little but took it well... for the most part! I was actually most impressed by her acceptance of the train of white fabric draped over her butt!

We spent about two + hours doing different poses and set-ups, running in the surf, down the beach, and all around. We got amazing photos - well, at least from the few I've seen so far... can't wait to show you all the rest when we get them!

So, this might be a weird idea. I know, for one, my mother nearly fell over from the thought of my soiling my precious dress! But honestly, where else am I really going to wear it again? And could I have sold it, sure, but it's MY wedding dress - I am the one who fell in love with it and starved myself to fit into it and suffered the rash it caused from all the dancing at our reception. I am the one who put it on in my apartment all alone just for shits and giggles when Karl was in Korea.... and I'm the one who has to let go of it and embrace the idea that it's only a dress and it does not hold any powers to tell me exactly why my marriage didn't last or make things turn our happily ever after....

It's just a dress - just a pile of fabric that is beautiful and glorious and made for me and I got to wear it one more time and it was great. In it I felt free and alive and like it belonged only to me... It made beautiful photos and it was a great time.

Since I have not ridden. Poor me. Sky is fine. She still has her shoes from before East Corinth, and we'll pull them off soon. She is fuzzy and happy and dirty out in the pasture. I am proud of her and will ride her at least a few more times before the snow flies. This winter I am looking forward to riding snowmobiles with my new love and working hard at my new job (pray, people, pray!!!)

Ok. I miss you all - I love you all - that's all that's been going on. Keep in touch, people.

C

East Corinth, 2009!!!!!!!

So, once again I am a bad blogger...bloggers are supposed to be updating constantly and eagerly rushing from their life experiences to document them, because otherwise it wouldn't seem like it happened... Fortunately for me, I am too busy living life to be writing about it and I would think that all of you out there reading would appreciate that about me.

I am way, way, behind and I am not sure where I left off so I will start at the last place I can remember... I had been super excited to get ready to go to East Corinth - to Mr. John Buik's land for the annual Fall Foliage Trail Ride... In preperation, Lisa offered to drop her trailer for me for the week so I could camp with a little more luxury than years' past... So, I spent the day before I left cleaning out her dressing room, vacuuming and cleaning out old items.... setting up my den for the week!

Our jouney there wasn't as smooth as one could have hoped. First, it was raining which was bad enough but Lisa's truck was having "issues" with the windshield wipers working, so the highway became tretcherous... The good news was that if you are going to have car trouble it doesn't hurt to be having it while driving through one's hometown when one's mechanic of a dad happens to be at his friend's garage! So, we stopped in and my dear old dad spent about an hour doing some jimmy-rigging to get them to work. We were back on our way, albeit losing daylight, but when it started to rain again we were grateful.

We made it into camp as the last of dusk was disappearing and lucky for us the clould had cleared and there was a full moon shining. Lisa helped me set up an enclosure for Sky - right infront of the the two apples trees which mark my "spot" each year. As I finished getting myself settled enough to curl into my sleeping bag with a horse book, thinking about how blessed I was to be there and how lovely it was to be alone with the moon, I turned the corner of the back of the trailer to see Karl there. Whoa.... While he explained about how he knew I would be alone and how he had come as a friend to keep me company all I could think of was my ruined night of solitude and how innapropriate it was for my soon-to-be ex husband to show up on my one week away from my day to day life. But he was there and I couldn't stand to hurt his feelings by getting angry and after all, he brought a grill and burgers... So, I allowed him to stay and we hung out for an hour or two and then he left with a promise that he wouldn't come back despite wanting to on Saturday for the parade.

The next day I waited for Beth and Marcia to arrive, I mosied around camp looking for people I knew... I bumped into Cathy and Leon and was invited to ride with them and I took them up on it because it was pushing eleven and there was no sign of my camp-mates... Sure enough they pulled in as our group was heading down the road! Oh well.... We went on about a three-hour ride, most of which Sky was wound like a two-dollar pistol - having jumped down a driveway after a Mack Truck blew it's air brakes at us and trying to jig me down the trails! She settled down after about two and a half hours, figuring out it was much easier to just walk than fight to get "somewhere" faster.

By the time we pulled into camp, she was much calmer and we came into the backside of the field only to see Bet's four-year-old Canadian having a grand old time in the other field, bucking and running like a wild animal! Poor Beth has the hardest time keeping this filly inside her fencing and despite having bought her a solid aluminum system Rhea was out again and having and introducing herself to the camp!

I greeted my good friends and gave Sky a short break before we headed out with them for a ride (hey, I figured if Sky had that much get-up-and-go to act up, she could go again). We went across the road, up a few hills, and for a two-hour ride.

The rest of the week was wonderful. It did rain on us a little bit on the trail on Thursday but we were almost back and it wasn't as awful as it could have been. Sky was well settled after her first day and although she did a little "must catch up to the group" on me, she was for the most part exceptionally well behaved.

Friday we had an amazing ride, up to Wright's Mountain and over to Tucker Mountain, basking in the sunshine that had eluded everyone all week long. I got some great photos that day and after a five and a half hour ride, was happy to be sitting in my camp chair that night with a cold hard cider and the laughter of my once-a-year friends around me!

Saturday brought nothing but rain and even though it was supposed to be the day for the big ride and the parade I think we were all a little glad to be off the horses for a respite. Sky and hte others were warm and dry under turnout blankets and Frank had come for the day to visit. (His wife had sugery recently so he didn't ride all week) We went to town where I FINALLY got to check my voicemails and texts and was so very happy to have lots from everyone wishing me a good week and telling me they missed me.

We got back into camp and found Karl sitting with Marcia, who had stayed behind. Damn it. Anyway, he didn't stay long but I was pretty upset he had broken his promise to me that he wouldn't come back.

By the time Sunday came I was ready to head home but the week had been amazing. I promise to put photos in here soon, as I do have them.

Now I am home and Sky is good. Betsy and I have ridden some and I am dreading cold weather although I am looking forward to getting out on the snowmobiles this year.

I got a new job - a temporary one - that starts on Monday. I am nervous and unsure and only hoping that bigger and better things are behind this opportunity for me. I have a lot of options running through my brain and a lot of hope that what is meant to be will happen. I am still sad, as Karl and I managed to actually file for divorce but that is more because it is the end of an era than anything else.

Talk to you later, blog readers.

C

The best of times, the worst of times...

Hello all...so sorry - I am a bad, bad, blogger! I have no excuse except to say that my days are filled with taking care of Mr. Braeden Parker Perrault and he needs a lot of attention!!! I have to say I am enjoying it, though... I wish it was possible for me to do this long term, but unemployment does not last forever and someday soon I feel that something new will come along. I am toying with the idea of attempting to go to grad school to be a school counselor, although I am not sure if I'll get enough financial aide to make that happen - but like everything else in life, it's worth a try!

Things have been hectic, to say the least. I am struggling to find a middle ground with Karl where we can agree on how to move forward and remain friends... it's an emotionally draining process but I am doing the best I know how.

Sky is doing really well! I am happy to report that she got her front shoes replaced recently and actually had to be truly trimmed! Bethany says that whatever I've been doing, I should keep up and that her feet are looking really good.

I am getting so excited to go to East Corinth! I cannot believe it is that time of year again...it's so scary... this year has been so full of changes and even though it will not be the same this year as some people aren't going and Beth and Marcia aren't going until Wednesday....East Corinth is an amazing thing b/c it's so familiar... I cannot wait to see the church steeple over the rolling hills and ride through the same fields we did last year and the year before - watching the views and enjoying the company...

I am lucky this year as Lisa is lending her trailer to me! She's going to bring me up on Tuesday night and drop the trailer so I can camp out of there and have a "home base" of my very own!! I am super excited...

Betsy is coming but not until Friday, but that's ok. The saddest thing I can think of is that Harvey will not be there. Betsy thought he had pnemonia and got the vet out and put him on antibiodics but he passed away a few days later... I cannot even express how sad it makes me to think of how Harvey will not be Sky's companion in the trailer any longer, or get us through any more hard parts of the trail.... Harvey was Sky's friend, I know in my heart, and I think she is missing him too. I cannot imagine losing my good friend - the one who is always there to greet me and get me through all my hard times.... I know Betsy misses Harvey immensely and it will take a long time for that sting to go away.

Lisa, of course, stepped right in and lent Betsy Shilo right away... I think it was a good thing b/c Betsy was able to keep riding, which eases any pain. Shilo and her are a good fit, because Shilo needs attention and riding and Betsy needs a horse to care for! I cannot wait to seee him in VT - I'm sure he'll be wonderful.

So, I am plugging away... once again going to VT will be an end and a beginning. When I get back I vow to work harder at job hunting and get my school act in gear. I am happy for the meantime staying wtih Josh and Lisa, who are wonderful, but it will not be forever and I need to lay some foundation for the future I had no idea was before me.... it's always a day at a time and like always, I am taking baby steps to get through them!

I promise photos from EC (I've lost the cord!!!). Lots of love to you all!

C

what's happening lately

Hello all.

So, I have a lot to say and a little time to say it, so I am going to be consise, if I can.

First, the camping trip... oh my well-planned, deeply thought out, camping trip. Ashleigh, Amanda, Betsy and I were so excited to go and despite some bad weather reports, we went forward, gung-ho to have a good time. The drive up was super long but the weather was decent for that, so it wasn't so bad. I was so anxious to get up there and get a good ride in before the inevitable rain was to arrive.

We finally pulled into the state park, after honestly thinking that we were on the wrong track, in the middle of nowhwere, VT. The horse camping sites were situated on a small "field" which reminded us more of a lawn...with small sites dotting the edge. The areas for the horses were rather tiny but we figured it would be ok. There was not a soul around, so we felt like we had the whole place to ourselves, which was nice. We managed to get everything set and get saddled in time for a ride. We headed one way, down a dirt road which reminded me of a class six road. When we saw a trail sign, I asked if anyone wanted to check it out. Once on that trail, I did realize that it was truly, a hiking trail - narrow and rocky... but it was passable. I figured we would come out on another dirt road or loop around to where we came from...

I am not going to go into extreme detail on this trail - only to say that here's a bit of advice: when you go through the second or third really bad rocky spot on a trail then it's time to turn around! I have never been so scared on a trail that my horse would break a leg and that I might go flying as well! Needless to say, we are safe and alive, and I thank god for that.

Friday night we had a great dinner, courtsey of Amanda, and settled into our tents. I didn't sleep that well, not because I wasn't warm or comfortable, but because the rain was coming down so hard and I was so concerned about the tent leaking! So, I slept a bit, but woke up early to the middle of the tent dripping a little bit. It turned out that was nothing compared to the night Ashleigh and Amanda had! The poor girls had a leaky tent all night and their horses paced and they got their sleeping bags wet. After a little discussion, we decided to pack it in, although Betsy and I were willing to stay longer.

Sunday Betsy and I forced ourselves back into the truck and dragged our poor horses another hour to Marsh Billings... it was SOOO WORTH IT. It was a beautiful day and I love Marsh Billings more than any other place we ride. We traveled around for a full three and a half hours and although my butt was done, my heart could've gone more! It made up for the bad day before and it was great.

Since then I rode last night - with Dave which was super fun. I was so glad he was willing to go and do what I like. He seemed to have fun, so that was good.

On another note, life is settling down and getting crazy. I am now watching Braeden for Lisa while she and Josh are both back to work. The good part is that I am contributing to the household and providing some use of myself while I am staying with them. The bad part is it is keeping me from looking for another job as hard as I should. I am thinking seriously about going to grad school starting in January, but I also need time to figure that out. I am trying very hard to keep my eye on the future, but the present is taking so much of my energy it is rough. I am taking life day by day as of now.. happy moments and angry moments, frustrating times and times when it "seems" like all will be ok. I do not really know what the future holds, and I am concerned about it, but right now it takes all my energy to get through each day with the same conviction that I woke up with...I am surprised that I am remaining strong but I can finally see the forest through the trees... I can finally see now that I am going to be alright. I don't know how and I don't know when but I am pretty sure it's going to happen.

C