How much would you give up?

So, it’s over now, and Sky is still safe and sound in Lisa’s pasture, with her horse buddies, but Karl and I got in a fight a couple weeks ago. Long story short, he wanted me to give up Sky in order for us to have more money available to pay his old school debt, which keeps him from finishing college.

My visceral reaction to this request was, ‘hell no,’ and from this experience I pretty much learned that there is little that could happen in my life to make me think that not having my horse in my life would be the correct course of action. I realize that from the outside, and probably more so to non-horse people, there is a practical point of view... I imagine this is how my husband sees it sometimes: in dollar signs... our household does shell out a considerable percentage every month to house and feed my 900 lb animal, and sometimes that money going out of the account is painful... we’ve put a considerable amount into her training, transport, and upkeep over the years (nearly 3 I’ve had her!) and if you add that up it, it is enough to put a down payment on a house with...

I know these things... I know it costs a lot – and I also know that it will never mean as much to my husband as it does to me – no matter how much he cares about me... What he cannot know is the empty hole that appears in the pit of my stomach when the idea of selling Sky could seem possible. He can’t feel the pressure behind my eyes or the wave of nausea... I imagine selling her would be like cutting off my arm.

I did sell my first horse when Karl was heading off to Korea... I had only had Bailey less than two years and it hurt a lot then. But Bailey was 15 and a strict trail-only type of horse. I learned a lot from him but our growth has no comparison to what I’ve been through with Sky. She was practically a BABY when I got her!

Anyway, like I said, it’s over now and neither Sky or Karl have gone anywhere. Fights like that teach you something about yourself, though. I learned that I would probably give up my marriage before my horse – not because I think one is greater than the other, but because I think I deserve both and that anyone who would make me choose doesn’t deserve to be with me anyway. I learned I do not measure my success in numbers, but in moments of swelling pride that accompany accomplishments I’ve earned. I learned I do not value Sky based on the amount of money I’ve spent on her behalf, or the amount I could possibly gain from her sale – I value her on based on the sense of purpose she gives me – I value her for the horse she’s become – every non-spook, every willing footfall, every collected stride is worth millions to me.

PS – on a side note – it’s March, and I promise to write more as with every melting foot of snow, there will be more to write about!