December

Hello All.

Life is once again covered in a blanket of snow, and the world is colder and headed again for a long hibernation. I'd say quiet but that is the exact opposite of life at the moment! All I wish for for Christmas is a little peace and quiet.

I love Christmas. I do. I love trees with white lights and driving around to look at houses, hot chocolate in hand. I love Christmas songs and ornaments and warm nights with family full of laughter. What I don't like about Christmas is the endless shopping with money I don't have, fighting crowds of people doing the same. I don't like festering over who gets cards and who gets presents and who gets homemade cookies I only wish I had time to bake. It's the gifts that make me wish Christmas would just be over with... and don't get me started on gift cards...the stupid idea of gift cards! If you are going to give me $20 and I am going to give you $20, couldn't we have just kept our money and said Happy Holidays.

Anyway, it's that time of year again, like it or not and after this and New Years' it's just an endless winter which I will be bitching about not being able to ride in. Hopefully I will be keeping too busy to really think about that. My "job" which I can't really call al real job because it's not going to be permanaent for a while (if at all - they are keeping me on temp status for an indefinate amount of time) is keeping me busy. I like the work, it's a good mix of everyday tasks and larger projects that pop up. The mix of people in the building is interesting enough to make the days go by fast and I am finding myself hoping more and more that one day they keep me for real....like Little Orphan Annie.

There are also plans this winter to re-introduce me to the wonderful world of snomobiling! HA! I used to go with my old trainer, down in Winchester, when I lived Keene during the winters there when riding wasn't a real option. I rode on the back of hers, going on short trips and once riding all the way to Keene for lunch. I liked it then. Of course I had a lot of equipment to borrow to keep me warm and an experienced driver to take the helm.

This winter my boyfriend, Dave, and Lisa's husband and good friend, Josh, are excited to get me out when they go. There are three sleds here..one that belongs to Lisa which gets used much more by the array of friends who come to ride with the boys. This winter the sled has been promised to me for first dibs and hopefully I will love it and not kill myself! Ha... I doubt either one of them will let me do that.. well, not the first few times out anyway.

So, we are waiting for snow and waiting for winter to work it's way through our lives once again. Sky is beautiful per usual... fuzzy like a wild Indian pony on the plains... I love how she fuzzes up and looks so sweet and innocent in the winter. I love letting her out to just be a horse for while, with no worries of shows and trails and trailer rides. She is enjoying a new friendship with a gelding boarder who has arrived by the name of Jordon and he and her are the lowest of the herd.

We had some friends over for dinner the other night and Avery, their older son, had a blast feeding the horses apples and carrots, trying to determine in his five-year-old mind which one was the biggest. It was so incredibly sweet and I was so proud of them all... glad that these, my only of my older friends to have made an effort to stay in touch, were there to be a part of my new life. It meant so much to me and it still does. I missed the 'ol Christmas party with that group of friends... partly b/c I had a tupperware event scheduled for that day and partly b/c I wasn't sure that it was the right place for me to be. I love all the children and my old friends, that I had with Karl, aren't bad people, they just had a way as a group of never letting me in.

I cannot exactly describe how I am doing. I feel at home in my skin, and at peace with exactly who I am. I know that I am accepted and I have stopped really looking for approval (except from my parents, who I never will). I am trying to live life to the fullest every day. My uncle passed away recently - suddenly - and it showed me that you never have any idea what will happen next and you should take each day as a blessing.

Merry Christmas everyone. I love you.

C

I admit, I am awful!

Hey all.

Sorry - AGAIN... Yes, I have been super busy and I guess that is a good thing 'cause otherwise I might go crazy.

First, some housekeeping news... I got a job! Not a permanent one, mind you, but a temporary one which will do for now. Cross your fingers, people... they are keeping me through December and it's possible it could turn into a real job, which would be the answer to my prayers and a way to finally get my life back in order completely.... Secondly, things with the new person in my life are also going really well (for those of you who are asking)... I haven't been this happy in a really long time and I am choosing to enjoy it!

So, now that you know what is new with me, I have an adventure to tell you about. Lisa and I have been talking lately about doing a "trash the dress" session with her photographer... so finally we managed to pin him down and he nicely agreed to meet us at SUNRISE at the beach so that we could have the opportunity to capture ourselves running down the beach - our once prized gowns flowing behind us like runaway brides!

We decided (wisely) that it would be a good idea to go the day before to not only scope out the best place for photos, but to get our horses used to the ocean! SO, we truck down there one Saturday and, once crusing the Hampton Beach strip, wonder where the hell we should park where we wouldn't be leading our horses down stone steps to the beach! .... AH, illegal parking on a dead end side street - awesome! The funniest part about that is that we really had to pee when we got there and I chose to find a spot between two cozy summer rentals - relax, people, they were empty!

So, Sky was super alert getting off the trailer and was seriously interested (and by interested I mean - HOLY CRAP THAT"S THE OCEAN!!!).... Yeah... she had her eyes and ears on that big, noisy, body of water for a while!

We walked the horses down the beach and tried our best to get them accustomed to the idea that the ocean was _gasp_ RIGHT THERE!

SO, we hopped on and headed down the beach, doing our best to ride out the spooks every time the waves crept up the beach.... Lisa worked very hard to get Onyx to stand in the water which resulted in, of course Onyx standing in the water, and Lisa getting a bootful of ocean and sand to take home!

A good ride under our belt (double hours for APHA as Hampton is a park!) we headed home to prep years' old dresses (which, FYI, didn't quite fit right anymore!) and get some sleep before we had to get up at 330 AM and go right back to the beach.

Let me tell you - 330 came early! Coffee in hand, we packed up our confused ponies and trucked out again. Dan, the crazy photographer who agreed to this, was already there proclaiming he hadn't slept!

Ok. For those of you who have not had the experience of hoisting yourself up onto a thousand pound animal, who is extrodinarily worried about the ginormous body of water to her left, while wearing a very heavy gown - let me tell you, it's an interesting event. Lisa chose to climb up on a nearby picnic table and mount from there, but me, I hopped up from the ground. Geeze, I love my horse! She moved a little but took it well... for the most part! I was actually most impressed by her acceptance of the train of white fabric draped over her butt!

We spent about two + hours doing different poses and set-ups, running in the surf, down the beach, and all around. We got amazing photos - well, at least from the few I've seen so far... can't wait to show you all the rest when we get them!

So, this might be a weird idea. I know, for one, my mother nearly fell over from the thought of my soiling my precious dress! But honestly, where else am I really going to wear it again? And could I have sold it, sure, but it's MY wedding dress - I am the one who fell in love with it and starved myself to fit into it and suffered the rash it caused from all the dancing at our reception. I am the one who put it on in my apartment all alone just for shits and giggles when Karl was in Korea.... and I'm the one who has to let go of it and embrace the idea that it's only a dress and it does not hold any powers to tell me exactly why my marriage didn't last or make things turn our happily ever after....

It's just a dress - just a pile of fabric that is beautiful and glorious and made for me and I got to wear it one more time and it was great. In it I felt free and alive and like it belonged only to me... It made beautiful photos and it was a great time.

Since I have not ridden. Poor me. Sky is fine. She still has her shoes from before East Corinth, and we'll pull them off soon. She is fuzzy and happy and dirty out in the pasture. I am proud of her and will ride her at least a few more times before the snow flies. This winter I am looking forward to riding snowmobiles with my new love and working hard at my new job (pray, people, pray!!!)

Ok. I miss you all - I love you all - that's all that's been going on. Keep in touch, people.

C

East Corinth, 2009!!!!!!!

So, once again I am a bad blogger...bloggers are supposed to be updating constantly and eagerly rushing from their life experiences to document them, because otherwise it wouldn't seem like it happened... Fortunately for me, I am too busy living life to be writing about it and I would think that all of you out there reading would appreciate that about me.

I am way, way, behind and I am not sure where I left off so I will start at the last place I can remember... I had been super excited to get ready to go to East Corinth - to Mr. John Buik's land for the annual Fall Foliage Trail Ride... In preperation, Lisa offered to drop her trailer for me for the week so I could camp with a little more luxury than years' past... So, I spent the day before I left cleaning out her dressing room, vacuuming and cleaning out old items.... setting up my den for the week!

Our jouney there wasn't as smooth as one could have hoped. First, it was raining which was bad enough but Lisa's truck was having "issues" with the windshield wipers working, so the highway became tretcherous... The good news was that if you are going to have car trouble it doesn't hurt to be having it while driving through one's hometown when one's mechanic of a dad happens to be at his friend's garage! So, we stopped in and my dear old dad spent about an hour doing some jimmy-rigging to get them to work. We were back on our way, albeit losing daylight, but when it started to rain again we were grateful.

We made it into camp as the last of dusk was disappearing and lucky for us the clould had cleared and there was a full moon shining. Lisa helped me set up an enclosure for Sky - right infront of the the two apples trees which mark my "spot" each year. As I finished getting myself settled enough to curl into my sleeping bag with a horse book, thinking about how blessed I was to be there and how lovely it was to be alone with the moon, I turned the corner of the back of the trailer to see Karl there. Whoa.... While he explained about how he knew I would be alone and how he had come as a friend to keep me company all I could think of was my ruined night of solitude and how innapropriate it was for my soon-to-be ex husband to show up on my one week away from my day to day life. But he was there and I couldn't stand to hurt his feelings by getting angry and after all, he brought a grill and burgers... So, I allowed him to stay and we hung out for an hour or two and then he left with a promise that he wouldn't come back despite wanting to on Saturday for the parade.

The next day I waited for Beth and Marcia to arrive, I mosied around camp looking for people I knew... I bumped into Cathy and Leon and was invited to ride with them and I took them up on it because it was pushing eleven and there was no sign of my camp-mates... Sure enough they pulled in as our group was heading down the road! Oh well.... We went on about a three-hour ride, most of which Sky was wound like a two-dollar pistol - having jumped down a driveway after a Mack Truck blew it's air brakes at us and trying to jig me down the trails! She settled down after about two and a half hours, figuring out it was much easier to just walk than fight to get "somewhere" faster.

By the time we pulled into camp, she was much calmer and we came into the backside of the field only to see Bet's four-year-old Canadian having a grand old time in the other field, bucking and running like a wild animal! Poor Beth has the hardest time keeping this filly inside her fencing and despite having bought her a solid aluminum system Rhea was out again and having and introducing herself to the camp!

I greeted my good friends and gave Sky a short break before we headed out with them for a ride (hey, I figured if Sky had that much get-up-and-go to act up, she could go again). We went across the road, up a few hills, and for a two-hour ride.

The rest of the week was wonderful. It did rain on us a little bit on the trail on Thursday but we were almost back and it wasn't as awful as it could have been. Sky was well settled after her first day and although she did a little "must catch up to the group" on me, she was for the most part exceptionally well behaved.

Friday we had an amazing ride, up to Wright's Mountain and over to Tucker Mountain, basking in the sunshine that had eluded everyone all week long. I got some great photos that day and after a five and a half hour ride, was happy to be sitting in my camp chair that night with a cold hard cider and the laughter of my once-a-year friends around me!

Saturday brought nothing but rain and even though it was supposed to be the day for the big ride and the parade I think we were all a little glad to be off the horses for a respite. Sky and hte others were warm and dry under turnout blankets and Frank had come for the day to visit. (His wife had sugery recently so he didn't ride all week) We went to town where I FINALLY got to check my voicemails and texts and was so very happy to have lots from everyone wishing me a good week and telling me they missed me.

We got back into camp and found Karl sitting with Marcia, who had stayed behind. Damn it. Anyway, he didn't stay long but I was pretty upset he had broken his promise to me that he wouldn't come back.

By the time Sunday came I was ready to head home but the week had been amazing. I promise to put photos in here soon, as I do have them.

Now I am home and Sky is good. Betsy and I have ridden some and I am dreading cold weather although I am looking forward to getting out on the snowmobiles this year.

I got a new job - a temporary one - that starts on Monday. I am nervous and unsure and only hoping that bigger and better things are behind this opportunity for me. I have a lot of options running through my brain and a lot of hope that what is meant to be will happen. I am still sad, as Karl and I managed to actually file for divorce but that is more because it is the end of an era than anything else.

Talk to you later, blog readers.

C

The best of times, the worst of times...

Hello all...so sorry - I am a bad, bad, blogger! I have no excuse except to say that my days are filled with taking care of Mr. Braeden Parker Perrault and he needs a lot of attention!!! I have to say I am enjoying it, though... I wish it was possible for me to do this long term, but unemployment does not last forever and someday soon I feel that something new will come along. I am toying with the idea of attempting to go to grad school to be a school counselor, although I am not sure if I'll get enough financial aide to make that happen - but like everything else in life, it's worth a try!

Things have been hectic, to say the least. I am struggling to find a middle ground with Karl where we can agree on how to move forward and remain friends... it's an emotionally draining process but I am doing the best I know how.

Sky is doing really well! I am happy to report that she got her front shoes replaced recently and actually had to be truly trimmed! Bethany says that whatever I've been doing, I should keep up and that her feet are looking really good.

I am getting so excited to go to East Corinth! I cannot believe it is that time of year again...it's so scary... this year has been so full of changes and even though it will not be the same this year as some people aren't going and Beth and Marcia aren't going until Wednesday....East Corinth is an amazing thing b/c it's so familiar... I cannot wait to see the church steeple over the rolling hills and ride through the same fields we did last year and the year before - watching the views and enjoying the company...

I am lucky this year as Lisa is lending her trailer to me! She's going to bring me up on Tuesday night and drop the trailer so I can camp out of there and have a "home base" of my very own!! I am super excited...

Betsy is coming but not until Friday, but that's ok. The saddest thing I can think of is that Harvey will not be there. Betsy thought he had pnemonia and got the vet out and put him on antibiodics but he passed away a few days later... I cannot even express how sad it makes me to think of how Harvey will not be Sky's companion in the trailer any longer, or get us through any more hard parts of the trail.... Harvey was Sky's friend, I know in my heart, and I think she is missing him too. I cannot imagine losing my good friend - the one who is always there to greet me and get me through all my hard times.... I know Betsy misses Harvey immensely and it will take a long time for that sting to go away.

Lisa, of course, stepped right in and lent Betsy Shilo right away... I think it was a good thing b/c Betsy was able to keep riding, which eases any pain. Shilo and her are a good fit, because Shilo needs attention and riding and Betsy needs a horse to care for! I cannot wait to seee him in VT - I'm sure he'll be wonderful.

So, I am plugging away... once again going to VT will be an end and a beginning. When I get back I vow to work harder at job hunting and get my school act in gear. I am happy for the meantime staying wtih Josh and Lisa, who are wonderful, but it will not be forever and I need to lay some foundation for the future I had no idea was before me.... it's always a day at a time and like always, I am taking baby steps to get through them!

I promise photos from EC (I've lost the cord!!!). Lots of love to you all!

C

what's happening lately

Hello all.

So, I have a lot to say and a little time to say it, so I am going to be consise, if I can.

First, the camping trip... oh my well-planned, deeply thought out, camping trip. Ashleigh, Amanda, Betsy and I were so excited to go and despite some bad weather reports, we went forward, gung-ho to have a good time. The drive up was super long but the weather was decent for that, so it wasn't so bad. I was so anxious to get up there and get a good ride in before the inevitable rain was to arrive.

We finally pulled into the state park, after honestly thinking that we were on the wrong track, in the middle of nowhwere, VT. The horse camping sites were situated on a small "field" which reminded us more of a lawn...with small sites dotting the edge. The areas for the horses were rather tiny but we figured it would be ok. There was not a soul around, so we felt like we had the whole place to ourselves, which was nice. We managed to get everything set and get saddled in time for a ride. We headed one way, down a dirt road which reminded me of a class six road. When we saw a trail sign, I asked if anyone wanted to check it out. Once on that trail, I did realize that it was truly, a hiking trail - narrow and rocky... but it was passable. I figured we would come out on another dirt road or loop around to where we came from...

I am not going to go into extreme detail on this trail - only to say that here's a bit of advice: when you go through the second or third really bad rocky spot on a trail then it's time to turn around! I have never been so scared on a trail that my horse would break a leg and that I might go flying as well! Needless to say, we are safe and alive, and I thank god for that.

Friday night we had a great dinner, courtsey of Amanda, and settled into our tents. I didn't sleep that well, not because I wasn't warm or comfortable, but because the rain was coming down so hard and I was so concerned about the tent leaking! So, I slept a bit, but woke up early to the middle of the tent dripping a little bit. It turned out that was nothing compared to the night Ashleigh and Amanda had! The poor girls had a leaky tent all night and their horses paced and they got their sleeping bags wet. After a little discussion, we decided to pack it in, although Betsy and I were willing to stay longer.

Sunday Betsy and I forced ourselves back into the truck and dragged our poor horses another hour to Marsh Billings... it was SOOO WORTH IT. It was a beautiful day and I love Marsh Billings more than any other place we ride. We traveled around for a full three and a half hours and although my butt was done, my heart could've gone more! It made up for the bad day before and it was great.

Since then I rode last night - with Dave which was super fun. I was so glad he was willing to go and do what I like. He seemed to have fun, so that was good.

On another note, life is settling down and getting crazy. I am now watching Braeden for Lisa while she and Josh are both back to work. The good part is that I am contributing to the household and providing some use of myself while I am staying with them. The bad part is it is keeping me from looking for another job as hard as I should. I am thinking seriously about going to grad school starting in January, but I also need time to figure that out. I am trying very hard to keep my eye on the future, but the present is taking so much of my energy it is rough. I am taking life day by day as of now.. happy moments and angry moments, frustrating times and times when it "seems" like all will be ok. I do not really know what the future holds, and I am concerned about it, but right now it takes all my energy to get through each day with the same conviction that I woke up with...I am surprised that I am remaining strong but I can finally see the forest through the trees... I can finally see now that I am going to be alright. I don't know how and I don't know when but I am pretty sure it's going to happen.

C

A Comprehensive Guide on How to Ride in an ATV Park

So, my dear loyal readers... we had an interesting ride this weekend!

I find it so funny how we talk and talk about places to ride at our Blackwater metings about where to ride and how we want to ride at new places all the time, and when someone finds one, we never really go for one reason or another.... So we'd been talking about checking out Clough State Park and the adjoining Hillsboro Everett Dam (that's a Army Core of Engineers place).... Low and Behold the ride on Sunday was cancelled as we all knew it would be so Betsy and Amanda and Ashleigh and I decided it would be a good idea to go to this new place.

Betsy invited Hannah and asked to to tell people we were going, but Hannah thought that it would be too busy with four wheelers and and dirt bikes for the horses to handle... after all it was a nice weekend day and this place is known as one of the busiest places for motorized vehicles in the southern part of the state! So, again, the four of us were the only ones who were up for the challenge.

We met up on Sunday AM and got there without much incident... of course, Betsy did have a little run-in with the bush at the entrance to the parking area where we settled, and I have to say that I am grateful that it was on Harvey's side! Poor Harvey, we opened the doors and he had his back legs planted like he was prepped for another big bump!

So, we listened intently as we saddled up for the sounds of the dirt bikes that were across the road... wondering if we were brave or just plain stupid... we tried our best as we headed out to go the "other" way from the machines... heading up into the woods behind where we had parked. So, RULE #1 for riding in a ATV park... try to ride away from the machines.....

Although these trails were great footing, it turned out there wasn't far to go.. we managed to go through a neat sand pit and follow out to some power-line looking areas... but the trail dead-ended somewhere between the swamp it ran along and an occupied tent site that we stumbled upon... but on our way back, I have to say that I managed to one, get Sky to stop eating, and two, groom the upper part of the trail of branches that were smacking us all in the face! RULE #2 of riding in an ATV park... you have to groom your own trails considering that no one else is riding as high as you are.

By this time we realized that the only place for us to go was through the main parking lot and by ALL of the trailers loaded with rough and tumble guys mounting up on their iron horses... I have to say that we got some pretty dirty looks, mixed in with the expressions of sheer bewilderment.... After the walk of shame, all was not so bad as we stuck to the roads that the machines were not allowed on! We peered into each trail we passed and wondered if we would be bombarded by a flying four-wheeled crazy person at any moment!

We wound up taking a trail which claimed to be a "River Loop" although I never saw a loop or a river. This trail was accessable to the machines, so we were on alert. Although, our biggest challenge turned out to be the the myraid of bridges which crossed the trail! Despite being sturdy, each bridge presented a challenge whether it was slats which the horses could see through or a broken board. RULE #3 to riding in an ATV park... be prepared for a bridge or five!

The first time we encountered machines, there were about four ATV's that came up behind us... luckily it was when we had just crossed one of the forementioned bridges and could get off the trail adequately..... plus it was a tight spot so they couldn't exactly go fast. To our shock and amazement, they were actually very nice and seemed to try to be overly cautious not to spook the horses. After that we relaxed a bit that these people were not assholes who were out to get us killed but mostly families with kids and responsible young people. It made it a lot easier to enjoy the trails... RULE #4 to riding in an ATV park.... don't assume everyone is out to get you and when you are nice to them, they are nice to you!

We even managed to get a lot of trotting in... although Sky was so wound up at the idea of stretching her legs, that she managed to lope in between our trotting companions. She was too funny, doing her little loping snort and rounding her body up and tucking her head in as she darted in between the trees and around the curves... on one particular staight-away which lilted to the left, she was on the right lead and I wanted her to switch so on a whim I decided to try to get her to change leads at the lope... I picked up on her reins, pushed my heel into her side near her shoulder and shifted my weight over... just a guess and low and behold, my horse did a flying change!!!!!!!!! I was so estatic, I think it was the highlight of my day! RULE #5 to riding in an ATV park... you might has well have fun and enjoy the speed while you are there!

We rode about two hours but, trust me, it seemed like more! We had to do the walk of shame again through the parking lot, and were surprised this time to be greeted by the Hooters Dirt Bike Team!

Anyway, it was a good adventure and good practice.

C

Big Changes for the Better & One Wild Ride.

So, after A LOT of heartache, and thinking and pain... I have decided that the best thing for me is to seperate from my husband, Karl. This wasn't something that I came to overnight or even over a month... I haven't been happy with the way that our relationship has been for a long time and I always thought I could change it if I tried hard enough - if I was nice enough and cooked enough meals and did dishes without complaining than he would be the guy who cared what I was doing when I was gone and he would be the guy who would want to hold my hand when we sat around with friends... but he will never be that guy and I cannot change him. Karl and I have been through A LOT together - we've known each other the better side of thirteen years and we've been together on and off for the majority of that.... we've been married for five and half years now and we've had some very happy times.... but somehow that didn't add up to a happy life together.... We tend to fight more than we talk to each other... I have felt for a very long time that he has no interest in anything that I do, whether it's which job I take or which show I go to... He has been very depressed about the way his life has turned out but yet has not changed anything about it... and he has hurt me a lot by having secret accounts and emailing girls to get together... random girls in our town! I tried very hard to get over this... I tried very hard to look beyond it that he DOES love me, which I know he does... but I have decided in the ned that I simply cannot live a happy life with Karl... as much as I want it to be better, even our relationship being better isn't going to make me happy. I feel awful because I know I have hurt him by telling him these things and he still thinks that it can be fixed but, for me, it can't. I hate that I am hurting someone who I love more than anyone but I know in my heart that after this is all over and the dust has settled, that he will be happier too.

So, I have spent the last couple of weeks deciding how life will go... I am going to stay with Josh and Lisa and take care of their baby when Lisa goes back to work. I am taking a coaching job and hope to substitute teach on the one day a week that I am not needed to babysit. In the meantime, I'll continue to draw my unemployment and work for Lisa's dad, and look for something more permanent and well-paying. I am hoping that by the time Spring rolls around, I will be able to move into my own place or roomate with someone. My friend, Kate, in Manchester offered to have me room with her and I think that might be a great idea.

I have been spending time with friends this past week or two and I cannot belive how happy I can be. We've been going to Lisa's dad's house, which is on a beautiful small lake, and we've been driving jetskis and going out on a boat and tubing behind it! I have tried things this week that I never would have tried before... I just feel like I've been walking around with my jaw clenched, not realizing I was doing it, and now that I have relaxed, I am free.

Sky is doing so well. She is hilarious, per usual. Lisa had her two cousins come up for the week and the younger one wanted to ride... so early one morning before it got too hot we went out... I hopped on Sky and per Lisa's reccomendation but Cody on Shiloh. We hadn't even gotten off the road when Shiloh took Cody into the trees to eat and then when he tried to turn him around, wound up in the middle of the road. Imagine my horror when I saw the giant dump truck coming at us and this 16 year old kid in the middle of the road, unable to control the horse! So I screamed for him to get off and lead him out of the road and I got off too.... thank God the guy went as slow as he could! So, we walk them down to where we can safely get on and I trade horses... Sky looked as though she understood what was going on... Although she probably didn't understand what Cody was asking of her the majority of the time, with his reins messed up and his not exactly sitting on his BUTT, but she tried... she tucked her face and backed up, wondering what this kid wanted! As I got Shiloh ready to pay attention, Sky followed behind and knew to take care of this kid. I spent the majority of the rest of the ride turned around to make sure my baby was doing ok! She did great - Cody let her eat way way more than I would have, but that's ok - as long as she was good.

On the way back, we passed more BIG trucks and Sky took it all in stride. She was so great and I was so proud of her, I didn't even know what to say.... I guess it's one thing when she does well for me because I have been with her so long and we know each other so well, but for her to behave so great with a complete stranger and one who didn't know what he was doing, I was so grateful.... and proud!

So, now we are gearing up to go to New Discovery at the end of the month, fast approaching! I am very excited for that and for East Corinth, which will be here before you know it!

Thanks for all the kind words and support, friends... you are all good people!

C

follow your gut

Hey,

Have you ever had that feeling in the pit of your stomache that something is or isn't right for you? ...

I've had a tumultous week... it's been such a roller coaster of ups and downs that I'm not surprised that my stomache is reacting! First, Monday rolled around... another Monday of feeling like I would never work again. It was so hard to stare at the classifieds on the computer and not see anything that I could apply for... so depressing... then Tuesday rolls around and I'm riding with Betsy and my phone rings. It's a gruff old man from a restaurant that I'd applied for ions ago wanting me to come in that day for an interview. YEAH! At that point, I"m thinking, yes, it's waitressing, but it's something and I'd be so excited just to do something.

So, I go in and have a very weird interview (if you can call it that) and they want me to come in the next day to start training. Ok. Wednesday rolls around and I go in and follow some 45 year old career server around as she swears and grabs butts of other servers and forgets to put in orders and blames it on the kitchen... but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that there wasn't a handwashing sink to be found in the place.. cooks weren't wearing gloves...soup sat on a bar for five hours without ever being tempted... (I couldn't bear to see how it was stored at the end of the night!).... in a normal circumstance I wouldn't have thought badly of it, but I have a ServSafe Food Management Safety Certification and I managed a banquet facility that had monthly military health inspections so I am pretty up to speed on how things SHOULD be.

Wednesday night I got a call to go into an interview for a teacher's aide job at interlakes high school... big yeah there! I already had an interview for a coaching job there on Monday so I set that up for right after... I am really hoping that works out so keep your fingers crossed for me... especially since Friday morning I went to go back in for day two of torture at this restaurant and after an hour of searching for my black shoes I found myself sitting on the closet floor unable to bring myself to go back there. Karl let me off the hook more easily than I deserved but I just couldn't do it.

Maybe I'm a bad person for complaining one day about not having a job and then turning one down the next day. Maybe I'm following the right path for me and next week I'll have a much better opportunity and I'll be glad I didn't go back there. Whatever the case, I followed my gut on that one.

On the Sky front, things are good. I am really enjoying her shoes and I think she might be too. We are doing much better on the roads etc. and I think I'll be grateful for them more and more as we go along... I am (gasp) foregoing a show this weekend to ride at the Mix's house for a blackwater ride. We have a hunter pace planned for next weekend and at the end of the month we are going camping in VT as a group - my first ride hosting for Blackwater.

I am looking forward to East Corinth a lot - got my invitation a few weeks ago.

Anyway, that's what is going on with me. Hope and Pray for me that the interveiws go well and I might have a job by the end of next week.

C

A little ditty...

Hello All -

I don't have a lot of time so I have to make this short (somehow I've said that before...) Anyway, this week has been a frustrating one for those of us who want to ride.. It's about 90 degrees and the humidity makes you wet with sweat the second you walk out the door... if it's not hot, it's raining, and then the bugs are so awful you must trot to get through the woods these days.

So, it hasn't been a good riding week. It is unfortunate b/c Sky has new shoes this week and I am anxious to try them out.. we broke down on the shoes (fronts only b/c it's so freaking expensive!!!) for two reasons... 1 - so she can stop getting all those bruises and walk comfortably on the dirt roads and 2 - to give her some time to actually grow some foot.

She was shockingly good for Bethany about the nailing.. barely blinked. I was surprised b/c she's never had shoes and I insisted that she would throw a fit... but just like Sky, she took it in stride and trusted those around her... I love her so.

I'm off to a Blackwater meeting in a bit - have to feed early in order to go... oh, I'm sitting out here at Lisa's.. dogsitting, catsitting, fishsitting, horsesitting, house and barn sitting... ha! Seriously it's been fun and quiet - for the most part. There is a nameless boarder who is driving me absolutely batty, though. She is an older lady and has some medical problems that keep her from being entirely mobile, but I do not take that as an excuse to be mean to people... all week she's stopped into the barn and isn't happy if her horse is out or if she's in... wants to continually feed her hay that she doesn't eat and insists that something is 'amiss' at the barn b/c there are "leg problems"... GRRR - as if it's LISA's fault that Onyx has a broken foot or whatever or that Willow's leg blows up and that she will never be entirely normal again.. that Sky got a random abcess...that her horse rammed herself into the roundpen.... yeah - that sounds like a conspericy to me! I am not one who hides my feelings well and if you want to know what I think just have a look at my face.. I stayed quiet, though. This person went as far as to yell at me in the barn for trying to help her the other day and that was it for me! I've been leaving when I know she'll come or hide in the house when she's here... the woman just chaps my ass!

And this is my thought about that. Horses are livestock - they are an animal whose history has been to serve man. They hold a true and honest place in American history and are a noble animal who carries pride with value and purpose... If a person wants a lawn ornament so badly, I personally think they should leave horses alone, and certainly NEVER BREED MORE HORSES, and then go buy a freaking plastic flamingo!

Anyway, I am going to get ready to go to my Blackwater meeting where we'll all talk over each other, complain about bugs and weather, plan rides that will get cancelled, and then I'll get home late. Fun Fun.. At least I made whoopie pies this time!

Good Night.

C

One good ride after another...

Hi All -

As I could only hope, I have not written lately b/c I've been busy riding!

After the show last weekend, I decided immediately that I was going to hang up the show shirt for a while and concentrate on doing some casual, easy, stress-free trail rides!

Luckily right after that choice, an opportunity came up for my go with Hannah on a ride... we voted on going to Maudslay state park in MA... I tried to look up information about it but could only come up with a small website without a lot of information - so I was going blind...but very excited to go in a state park as I can log double hours for my Ride America, and I am closing in on my 500 hour mark.

So I make sure I am all packed and ready and Hannah was right on time. Sky self-loaded perfectly into her two horse step up and got along charmingly with Jim, her Appy/TB cross...

We made it down there to meet up with Denise (with Dublin, the huge, red horse) and Cathy (who I hadn't met before)... Sky was super alert when we first got them off the trailer which was odd for her - not acting badly, just head up and ears and eyes straining to find anything she could possibly be scared of... so a little Clinton Anderson-esk lunging before hand with many changes of direction got her focused on the fact that I was still a part of her world... then we were ready to ride.

She did great on the trails - slightly ouchy on the dirt road at the beginning - but otherwise perfect. We crossed beautiful stone bridges, and rode beside blooming flower bushes, and rode along a river with lovely white boats floating here and there... it was a perfect day - no bugs and a slight breeze and lots of blue sky...

We made a two and half hour trek, miadering through the park - a place no one could get lost... after the ride, we hung out and chatted and found ourselves lazy and happy under a big tree while we watched the horses take afternoon naps while tied to the trailers..

Hannah and I chatted non-stop on the way home and I was so happy to get to know her better... it was kind of her to bring me along.

Then we had a blackwater ride on Sunday, which Betsy picked us up for... Inever stop laughing at Sky when she does her speed-walking trek from the barn onto Betsy's trailer! I swear, I could let her out of her stall and she'd head straight on next to Harvey... I'm not sure if it's Harvey or his hay that she likes more - despite the large haybag full infront of her, she insists on pushing poor Harvey over to steal his! It's funny considering she doesn't push ANYONE around.

We rode at Profile Falls - another perfect day and perfect ride... down the long, straight carraige road and wandered off onto wooded trails and open fields (which haven't been mowed and are like an all you can eat buffet to the horses, at mouth height!!!) We saw lots of wild brown eyed susans and took lots of photos --- including photos of others taking photos! It was funny!

The best was as we were riding back to the trailers on the long road, Sky decided more than once to turn her butt around and go the other way! I'm not sure if her homing device was broken or if she was just up for a longer ride, but she had no qualms about hoofing it away from the whole crew of horses and foraging her own path... i nearly cried I laughed so hard at her!

We had a good lunch back at the trailers... at the picnic tables by the river... the Mix's, Betsy and I are way ahead of the group in planning an overnight excursion at the end of the month.... I'm fired up for some more good rides and am glad to be taking a break from the constant worries about slow canters and correct headsets... although we did get a great lope behind a trotting Kosh and Hannah in a long stretch by the river... funny how that happens!

It looks like I will be putting shoes - fronts to start - on Sky by the end of the week. The farrier looked at her today and shaped her up and she has too many bruises for me to ignore any longer... if I'm going to be doing the riding I don't want to have to worry about her.

So, I will keep you posted on the goings-on. I'm watching Lisa's house next week while they are away and taking care of all the animals - then LRSS 3 isn't too far off. Hopefully Amanda and I will be doing Riverfare's know and go clinic on the 1st... Karl did tell me to include it in my b'day present....

Take care, all,

C

Experience is a good thing...

Sunday, I used up all my birthday money to go to a show - could've done a couple of other things but I liked the idea of getting some more time in the ring and I had been invited to trek down to Oak Rise with Ashleigh and Amanda, so I bit the bullet of $12 a class and went.

I was excited to be going back and doing the w/t/c classes and I mentally prepped for it to be a long day. When we got there, I started to think that the economy was picking up, considering that the place was packed! There were trailers bumper to bumper taking up the whole place! We got scrunched between "Mack Hill Riding Acadamy" and another kid-oriented barn with an array of activity...

Sky did relatively well - much better feeling than last weekend at LRSS... at least I "felt" like I wasn't about to reach moc-ten at the lope but I think that had a lot to do with the work Lisa helped me with on Saturday.... so, we get into the Eq. class and it was 7 ppl, including Ashleigh and Tom (who showed with Lisa last year) - Tom and I were the only Western-ers... I was pretty excited to get the correct leads out of Sky and only be lapping Tom... at least being with a lot of English riders I didn't feel like I was riding a race horse when everyone else had an old farm-plug! We wound up placing 4th of 7... better than I figured.. the judge told me I corrected her too much... oh well.

So I worked hard to stop messing wtih her face and slow her down with my body and in Pleasure we managed 3 of 7 - the best we did all day! Not enough for a PAC point but good, just the same. I felt badly for Ashleigh b/c she got two 6ths but I thought she did well!

Then we waited - and waited - and waited... UHGGG - By the time that we got on for Disp. Rail etc. I was baked from the beating sun and so tired I had to muster the energy just to get back on! It was three classes in a row - Adult Disp. Rail - Western Pleasure & Open Pleasure horse 15 and under... it was a rough three classes - we placed 4 of 6 - 2 of 2 and 2 of 3... Not particularly good but overall for the lateness of the day, I thought we got around pretty well. The judge was picking on us quite a bit - he kept talking about how he's a blah, blah, blah western judge and he told me to change my bit and was picky about how my reins were held... by the fourth time he picked at me, I was done.. I wanted out of that ring BAD - I appreciated the feedback, but enough already! I was happy to go home.. especially after I heard I got 4 of 6 in Trail! WHAT?! We had done great in trail and I couldn't believe 3 ppl did better than me! That is the worst I've done in trail in a long time w/o seriously messing up...

Anyway, I didn't stick around (or, really, make A&A stick around) to collect my 4th place day end that I assumed I would get... I took my experience and got out of dodge.

Once home I was SOOOO tired... I got a little sun and a lot of experience... glad to get them both but I think I am done showing for a little bit - I am highly interested in some easy trail rides and some relaxing days hanging out... today I started tying my BIG quilt together and reading a book (that is until I got the call to get hay in but that is a summer-time necessity)...

Thanks to those who helped me prepare for the show, get to the show, and survive the trama that is the show... thanks to John, who I got to see there... nice to see you and am glad you are doing well. I will be sure to let you know how things are going.

Talk to you soon, guys... I am hoping to snag a spot in Hannah's trailer on Friday for a jaunt and hopefully will go with Betsy to Profile Falls Sunday.

C

Great Expectations

So we finally got to show on Sunday. It was a perfect day - sunny (shocker of all shockers, huh?) and slightly breezy as to keep the bazillions of bugs away.

I was pretty nervous considering there hasn't been a lot of time given all the rain and the condition of Sky's feet, which are soft and saseptable to new problems and still relatively short. But I was ready to give it a go and she was pretty clean too.

Showmanship turned out to the be one of the highlights of my day - it's a wonder considering that I had fought against it for so long that I would actually enjoy it. There were 11 ppl in the class and we placed 6th under one judge, and 3rd under another. Not too bad.

By the time we were riding, I was pretty frustrated - only b/c Sky fought me at the lope all over, not being used to working so hard. She either would try to break or run a buck-ninety around the ring. The pattern was difficult - trotting a circle, then loping a circle, then changing leads and loping the other way at a lope again. After a lot of practice and frustration, we did do a great pattern - or at least one that didn't break gait or get the wrong lead - we went to rail work. On the rail I managed to get nearly all the way around the ring before realizing we were one the wrong lead! CRAP! So, there went that class - 5 of 5.

Pleasure didn't go much better considering we were circling everyone and not doing it in a very pretty manner. Lisa rode her in between classes and although she looked better for her, it didn't exactly translate over. At this point, knowing the day was shot, I tried my best to keep my chin up and do my personal best. Discipline rail was a mess - being asked to counter-canter when you are still working on the right leads to start with is rough! Then Senior Horse Pleasure came and I did manage to get a decent lope at the very end, which I was proud of, and we placed 4 of 5 under one judge - a serious victory given the way we were doing.

I have a problem. I feel fine in the warm up ring and do ok with her at home, but being in the ring with others who are experienced on experienced horses, I get physched out and compare too much. I feel like Sky is a lunatic b/c she isn't nearly as slow as the other horses and we are not as collected. This feeling makes me upset b/c I don't understand how, after all the work we've done, we do not measure up against these others. I do feel that this summer stinks b/c of all the rain and I haven't ridden NEARLY as much as I have wanted to, but I also don't think that is an excuse.

Trail was a decent experience. Adult Trail we did well - probably b/c we got one part of the course correct where others did the wrong thing and that is only b/c Lisa asked the judges... someone was a little ticked until she found out that they didn't take off for doing it the way EVERYONE did it and not the correct way. But I managed to get 1st under one judge nad 3rd under another, so that was good - it was trotting poles, sidepassing and a mailbox, lope into a box, spin, lope after the box, go to a bridge, walk over, and back. The second time we were on the incorrect lead (it was an "incorrect" one they asked for) so we placed last again. I was happy to do well in SOMETHING though!

Anyway, I suppose I have to learn to expect to do good for myself, and not good against others. I have come to expect to do well with Sky and this is a learning year, so I have to learn to back away from that. I know it should be enough to do better than last time and improve, it's just hard to do that and have it still not be enough!

I am working on that with K too... we are working on things and spending more time together... I am standing up for myself and expecting to get out what I put in. I guess that is all anyone can ask for in life.

C

PS - I might go to Oak Rise Sunday if $$$ works out.... I was offered a ride from some Blackwater folks.

Gnats, Deerflies, Rain, and Hurt Feet (and hurt feelings)

So we finally had a Blackwater ride yesterday! Yeah - after Sky being out of commission and all the rain we've had, I was very excited to go to Betsy's for a ride. That being said, I cannot wait to catch a ride in Betsy's new truck on Thursday when we go to Bear Brook.

Anyway, I wake up yesterday to drizzle... YUK! But I plan to grab my raincoat and head out anyway. This is the part in my story when my husband, Karl, gets home from work and we get into a huge fight regarding some wrongs he has done to me in the past week. I am not going to get into this in detail b/c this blog is not about my marraige, but about my time with Sky... but for those of you who know me, you probably know about this anyway... my husband did something stupid and hurtful and it's been done before and this time sorry is not enough.

Needless to say the yelling made me late getting to the barn and I had to pull Sky away from her big pile of hay to go for a ride. Considering that Sky hasn't been ridden much in the past weeks b/c of the rain and her gravel, I was excited for the ride but also a little aprehensive that she wouldn't be ok... She turned out to be a trooper on the road (per usual) and once I got to Betsy's I was doing my best to get in a better mood.

STOP! How can anyone be in a good mood with little, tiny, black bugs flying in your ears and your eyes and your nose - not to mention swarming your head in general and seemingly attempting to drag your horse away! The same bugs that keep us from doing any speed less than a trot in Lisa's yard are at home in Betsy's yard as well... I kept Sky moving to avoid being eaten alive and my bad mood continued... after all the time and efffort and waiting out of the rain we did this is what I get!

Sky did pretty well once we got going but the overgrowth of vegetation everywhere you looked was all and all too tempting for her... she lunged, open mouthed and teeth bared, at every branch, clover, grass and tree we happened to be near.. needless to say, this gets old after a while and usually I would be doing some schooling - making her work somehow once she took a bite (something Clinton Anderson calls, "letting her commit to the mistake) but in a group of trail riders and on sometimes narrow trails, I resorted to simply pulling her away from each tempting leaf.

On the rocks, Sky was obviously "ouchy" and it broke my heart again. I have come to the conclusion that the best thing for her will be to put shoes on for the rest of the summer. I just cannot stand that she is so uncomfortable.

So, these factors contribute to my mood - greatly. I am trying very hard to smile through the swarms of bugs and the hurt feelings I have and listen to the chit-chat going on ahead of me. It's hard. At one point I thought I was literally going to cry on my horse! Luckily that is when Betsy turned around and smiled at me which made me feel better that at least someone noticed I was having a rough time of it.

Anway, into the woods we go and the deerflies start in - yuk yuk yuk! Boy, do those things hurt when they bite! Especially they hurt when you are pushing your horse to step first into a mucky stream that she cannot see the bottom to - but she did it - first through water!!! I was insanely proud of her despite being attacked by deerflies while we waited for everyone to get through.

Yesterday was not my best day. I was not myself. I couldn't wait to get off my horse and that is wrong! Lately I am so sad and angry that I can barely ride at all, for fear that my temper will flair and I will take it out on Sky. But again and again she gives me another chance that this time when I take her out she will be the thing that makes me smile and make me feel better. She always is it's just that lately it doesn't last. That is scary.

I'm sorry that I cannot report a wonderful experience. It was a nice ride and I did enjoy getting out... it's just that the circumstances were not so great. I am hoping that we will get to ride enough this week that I will feel comfortable showing Sunday.... I hope that we will get to do something cool for my birthday, which is usually a non-event. Anyway, we will see.

C

Reasons that Sky and I need to go play with cows...

1. Chasing anything away makes one feel powerful. I could use a little power right about now.
2. Cows remind me of New Mexico and Josh Armstrong's place. I miss 'ol El Paso sometimes.
3. Sky needs a change of pace - something to perk her ears up at.
4. Someday, I might have to chase down a loose cow and I want to make sure I'm ready.
5. It's a great excuse to wear my white cowboy hat and a cute western shirt
6. It is more interesting than going in circles
7. I will not just do pleasure shows forever... we will need new challenges.
8. You never know when you might have to herd a random cat or dog away from danger.
9. I need a reason to smile and the last time we chased cows I had a cheek-ache for days.
10. My birthday is coming!

Rain, Rain go away....

So, I've spent three weeks going crazy over my horse as she blows a gravel out her heel and now that she is rideable and fine it WILL NOT stop raining! That is some kind of horrid karma, I imagine. I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this.

We have ridden... we rode in the yard a few times and yesterday we went on a short trail ride with Lisa - who was getting a horse ready to go to camp for a few weeks. That was fun - we haven't ridden together since just after Lisa found out she was pregnant... so it was good to get out.

The good news is that they rescheduled the show for July 5th which means that we have a week and a half to get our stuff together and we should be able to do all of our classes - if I can get that amount of money together. We are now left with a lot of work to do and rainy days to do it in... if I'm lucky the rain will stop long enough for the bugs to come and eat us alive! Yesterday I worked on her trot in the yard, getting her to slow it down and trying very hard not to fuss with her head so much... I think that is where we went wrong at the first show - she was fired up and her head was up and I spent the whole day messing with her mouth and not trying anything else to slow her down and that pissed us both off.

I am still worried about her feet - she had another pocket where she was shedding off some frog on her front feet and we are putting benadyne on it every day to keep it hard and clean. She is back to being sound but after the multitude of opinions that I got about her feet when she was off, I worry that I am not doing the right thing. What I have decided to do is give her some more time... She still isn't growing wall on her back feet as much as she should, according to Bethany, so I am considering shoes for the rest of the summer - could pull them off after E. Corinth and then let her get back to normal over the winter. That way I wouldn't have to worry about her being 'ouchy' on the rocks, etc. and it would give her feet some time to strenghten and grow.

In any case, I have a lot of riding to do before I will know exactly how she is doing and where we are... I feel so stalled - stalled in riding, yes, but stalled in life too. I am starting to get very frustrated with being laid off... I try so hard to stay in a routine and take care of myself and be good to the people around me but at times I think the turn that things have taken is dramatically unfair. I hate not having the sense of purpose that goes with having a place you 'must' be everyday. I hate getting up in the morning and knowing that this is another day that I don't have a job. I cannot stand going to bed at night and that it doesn't matter what time it is b/c I do not have a commitment for the next day - it's not that I don't enjoy the time I get to spend doing other things... if it wasn't for Lisa, who is off work on maternity leave, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. We've been taking care of the barn and of the baby and I like to think that I am useful at times. There are so many things I am grateful to have had the time to do - like ride at Amanda's and trail ride with Betsy in the middle of the week... but each thing I do and each day that goes by is one day farther away from my being a marketable employee... I cannot help but wonder if my value is diminishing as we go.

I am hoping to get a school job for the fall and be able to relax for the rest of the summer. There is less to apply for than when I got laid off and I am frustrated with how little I've accomplished in getting resumes out.

The monotony of the last few weeks has been broken up by having our houseguests, Scott and Nikki, and their baby, Isaac, staying with us. Scott is a great cook and is making us dinners and Isaac is walking now and is into everything. It's nice to have the company as Karl is either doing baseball stuff or is at work or sleeping... I wonder is this third shift job will wear us all out or just him.

I guess despite Sky being better, I am just sad... not sure if it's the weather or if it's not having a job or if it's the lack of time I spend with my husband. I think the more I get into the saddle the less I will worry about where money is going to come from or what will happen next. I will be happy, I think, when sitting on Sky feels normal again as riding feels so strange after three weeks away. My faith in the future is thin, except that I know there is another day coming.

C

PS - sorry - this wasn't meant to be depressing!

So Sorry

Ok - I am a big bad blogging loser! I am sorry.. I have a good excuse.. I still have houseguests and my horse has been taking up all my energy.

So, Sky is doing much better - I am happy to say. Today I kicked her out back with everyone else b/c I know how frustrated she is with being inside and in the round pen at night... She is full of energy and walking normally so we are now just waiting for her heel to heal up (HA! that was funny.... heal/heel... get it..)

Anyway, here is the deal... we were wondering what was wrong with Sky... so Lisa said it was her hip - Bethany said she didn't look 'foot sore' - John said she was unbalanced and had no foot to stand on - John's farrier, Steve, said she was 'severely unbalanced' and needed shoes with wedges... all these opinions kept me in tears for about a week as I did not know who to trust or what to think.

We had Gretchen Ham ( a vet and chiropractor) come out and have a look at her.... so i pull her out of her stall and she was WAY worse than she had been... Gretchen says, "so I am guessing it's this leg"... she looks her up and down and then says to me, "has this always been here"... she turned out to have a gravel (like an abscess) coming out her heel.

So we have been for a week, soaking and wrapping and walking and she is doing much better. Her heel kind of split across the back and is now hardening up as it heels from the inside. I rode for the first time yesterday and she was... well, she acted much like a horse who has been off for two weeks and has spent a lot of time in a stall! I am a cranky bitch this week so the combo was not good (oh, don't forget the hoards of tiny black bugs swarming us... that added a lot to the experience!) Anyway, we managed to get around at the walk/trot a bunch of times and I am looking forward to trail riding this weekend if it kills me!

Oh, forgot to tell you all about the show... or lack there of... Saturday we look at Sky and she was good enough to go for showmanship and trail (the only things I did good at last time!)... So I decide on Saturday at around 4 to go to a show the next morning. I bathed and clipped and wrapped and blanketed... then Sunday AM I woke up to continuous rain! Yuk!

I get to the barn and Michelle was about as enthused as I was about standing out in the rain all day... we talked ourselves into backing out until Lisa came into the barn with B already packed up and said, "let's go!"... So, we relented and got Red and Sky on the trailer and hit the highway... luckily I had left my phone in my back pocket and felt the buzz on my butt when Judy called to say that they were postponing the show... I was thrilled with this for two obvious reasons.. 1. I didn't want to stand in the rain all day and 2. I know have more time for Sky to heal and to get better before we try again so we can do all of our classes!

Anyway, I will let you know how we do.

C

Grounded

Today is Saturday - we are on Day Three of Sky's injury/illness/??? - she is 'off' on her back left leg and the reason is a mystery to us in the barn. She isn't super lame... just favoring it and seems stiff.

We are STILL waiting for the farrier to come... it will be Monday at some point. I guess she didn't get back to Lisa b/c she was over on her phone minutes and didn't want to call until she was into a free weekend... call me a crazy horse mom but that doesn't sound like a good business person to me. But I am super worried about Sky and think that everyone else should be just as concerned!

We've been keeping her in a stall and giving her bute to help her feel better. Lisa took her out and looked at her this morning and says that she's a 1 out of 5 on the 'lameness scale'... I think she is better than yesterday, when she was favoring it a lot more. Improvement is good, I guess.

My therory at this point is that she is the one who kicked the stall door (Onyx's)... I think this because I noticed two cuts on her lower leg that were new when she was hurt... It's either that (in my mind) or she is bruised from walking on her sole rather than the wall bearing the weight b/c she isn't growing enough... which would mean she needs shoes. GRRr... not knowing what is up is awful.

I am worried about Sky and her wellbeing and her health... that's the first priority. But I am also thinking that we will be unimproved in performance for the upcoming double judged LRSS show that is coming up at lightening speed - next Sunday... eight days away. IF she is better, than we will more likely than not, go and suck... IF she isn't than I will bag the idea of going for LRSS year ends and points and skip it in order to go to another series show and mix and match...after all this is a 'growing year' for us.

Overall I am just worried and scared and sad that Sky isn't doing well. It makes me realize how delicate she is and how much I would miss her if we couldn't be the team that we have always been.

It is hard to know what the right thing to do for her is. I wish there was one right answer.

C

What's wrong with Sky?

So, right now I am waiting for Lisa to get home so she can look at Sky and tell me if I am legitamately upset or if I am losing my mind... I do not think it's the latter.

I took yesterday off as I have been spending so much time up at Lisa's and we have friends staying at our house so I decided to take a whole day to stay home... today I came back to my old routine and was excited to ride and get back into a training program so that we can work toward the next show.. in only twelve days!

I did spend some quality time updating my resume and applying to a couple of jobs online... very proud of myself. While Lisa and Josh are off doing errands, I decided that was enough and went out to ride.

She was way up on the hill and came to the stall when I called (score for me) and I didn't see any problems watching her walk in from the field... but when I took her out of the stall and put her in the crossties I noticed one of her back legs was slow to move and that she was treating it odddly. After saddling, I walked her forward, watching that leg.... then trotted her while leading her, trying to see it... it was hard to see while leading, so I hopped on and started in a circle..... trying to feel what I thought I had seen... A part of me thought she would just walk off whatever was going on and be fine... but after halfway around the yard I realized that she didn't feel right... so I trotted to try to feel it more pronouncedly - knowing that the trot is where you can see and feel problems best.... definately off... I could feel her favoring her back right leg... so I got off and tried to lunge her with my long rein and now I can definately see her favoring the leg... OH NO!

So I led her up to the barn and untacked her... put a rope halter on her and lunged her again outside the barn doors... something is not right.

I picked all of her feet and think I can see two pink areas on that hoof... bruises, I think. Bethany thought that she wasn't growing enough wall on her back legs, which she was going to check in another week. If she is in fact not growing enough wall then she will need shoes - ouch!! (I mean ouch for me b/c that is an expense I don't think I can take).... I suppose it could be an absess - something that seems to be circulating around the barn - but I don't think so... but what do I know!

So, now I am waiting for Lisa to get home and then for Bethany to come... hoping so much that it is nothing big - hoping that she will be ok - hoping it won't be expensive - hoping that she will have enough time to work to get better before the next show - hoping, praying, waiting....

C

LRSS 5/31

So, our first show is over.. under our belt, which is a good thing. I have to apologize for not having written much lately but life has been busy - a funny thing to hear from someone without a job, but it's true.

Last week we spent the better part of three days driving out to NY to help our friends who are moving to NH. We helped them pack up what they wanted to take and put what they were leaving into an order fit for showing their house to prospective buyers. Karl drove one of their cars back and I stayed to watch the baby while they continued to pack. I followed them back on a very long drive in the dark and fog and rain and by the time I got home I was so tired I couldn't think straight.

So that ate up Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of last week - a bad thing b/c I didn't ride any of those days but a good thing in the sense that I probably wouldn't have ridden anyway b/c it was raining here... either that or I would have ridden in the rain and made Sky miserable, as that is her least favorite activity!

By the time Saturday came around and I could ride, there was so much prep to do that Michelle and I did a quick hour long jaunt down the road and I rode in the yard for a bit to make sure she wasn't crazy, and that was it.

I do have to say that Sky was the cleanest she's ever been yesterday! We bathed and scrubbed and wrapped legs to keep them clean. Thanks to Lisa's persistant nature she has now a perfectly pulled mane! (that was a process, let me tell you!) So, by Sunday AM we were good to go.

So this is how our day went - first we did halter for horses 6 and over. There were about 15 people in the class and although the judge eyeballed us a lot, we didn't place. Sky did pretty well to set up but is still cocking her back foot and falling asleep on me!.

Showmanship was a lot harder and then we had Lisa to help us with the pattern. The practice did not go so well just because Sky kept trying to crawl into my or Lisa's pocket and had to learn otherwise - quick! So, we practiced and practiced and by the time I went into the ring, I was all like, "just give it a go"... so we did the pattern and messed up a bit on the pivot but otherwise did ok. There were 16 people in that class and there was a lot of standing around while waiting for the decision. It was worth it, though, because we placed 6th out of 16! Not too shabby for my first time out at showmanship!

Then it was on to riding, and after looking at the equitation pattern, I knew we were doomed. I had asked about having to do a change of lead before and came to the conclusion that I wouldn't have to do one... oh, no... the equitation pattern had one! So, we practiced and practiced and after getting Sky to take the correct lead I realized we might be ok. During the pattern in the class, she took the right lead at first, then for the change, the circle was so small I never got her back into the lope! At that point I thought I was doomed to be last but there was a woman behind me having a very hard time with her horse... so I thought maybe we wouldn't be dead last.... Well, while we were doing rail work her horse spooked at something and she fell off, so so much for that. She seemed ok but shaken up for sure. Sky and I managed to get the correct leads but were no match for the experienced riders and horses in the ring and wound up 4th out of 5 (if you count the woman who fell).

Next, we had adult pleasure in which she broke gait and wound up 5 of 5. Adult Discipline Rail was the same story and despite the success of achieving the correct leads, we broke gait again and had to endure the torture of having the judge watch the whole time! Not like it wasn't bad enough that I was lapping the snotty girls on their perfectly slow horses... oh well, 4 of 4 there.

Open Pleasure Senior Horse I made a new goal just to not break gait... grrr... so we acheived that but still ran circles around everyone. Her trot was much better there but the whole day her headset was never right and I couldn't manage what I wanted with one hand... When we lined up the judge mentioned to me that 'she's a little strong'... I explained that it was our first time showing w/t/c and he seemed to understand us better. We still got 4 of 5 there, but I was estatic to just not be last!

Then it was lunch break and by the time we got back on for trail both Sky and I were ready to be done for the day.... but we waited our turn and did our best... I love trail. I do extra things like sidepass up to the mailbox instead of just walking to it, I made sure to stop at the bridge like the instructions said to do.... in the Adult division we never again made it to loping like we were supposed to... oh, well. When we did the course again for Senior Horse we did get a lope in... the second time through I even tapped the mailbox for good measure and threw the coat over her whole head, not just across my saddle as the instructions said to... hey, it made the judge laugh!

So we wound up winning 1 of 7 for Adult Trail and 1 0f 5 for Senior Horse Trail... enough to make my day before we all pulled out for the day! I have a lot to work on for two weeks from now, but that is a good thing. As much as I hate to get last or do poorly it's a place to improve from, something I wouldn't really have if I was still doing walk/trot.

I was super tired when I got home and passed out at 8. I'm sure Sky was sleeping before then!

C

What's been going on

Hey All -

Sky and I are keeping busy... we've been working hard to prepare for the first LRSS Show coming up next Sunday (only a couple of days and it will be 'this coming Sunday'... AHH). We've been trail riding around and we took a trip yesterday to ride with friends...

On the first front, the show prep is going well. We are still working on getting each lead consistantly and on showmanship - at this point I think we have some wiggle room to improve but not much... meaning that there will come a point very soon where we will be who we are for showtime. I keep trying to remember that the first show is only a baseline to guage improvement on and not an end-all-be-all... Lisa says that it's for fun... That is true as I'm sure I'll have a good time but the fun lies in the competition and competition is about winning or losing... truly. Baseline...baseline...baseline...

John came out to have a look at Sky the other day, which was nice. He seems to think that what we are working on is going well which is good. He saw us lope and thinks that we will be good enough to pass for an Adult Class participant... He lauged at me when I told him that I was nervous about doing w/t/c because I had been so nervous about doing w/t last year.

Yesterday Sky and I went with Betsy to Amanda Mix's house to ride. It was our first 'road trip' of the year and it was super fun. Sky did her traditional 'running load' onto the trailer, mainly due to her ongoing addiction to hay that is not hers. She pushes Harvey over to get to his hay rather than take her own... I think it must taste better to share - that and Harvey is 'her man' that she can push around.

We made it up the huge hill in Amanda's driveway and then headed out on the trails. We did a great ride and stopped by a beautiful pond where we could 'swim' with the horses. We didn't get in too deep for fear that they actually would swim given the 90 degree heat and the cool pond. Sky did very well tromping through the water although she was more interested in the grass growing under the waves near the shore than anything.

After some photos and more wading, we boondocked our way around the pond on a trail that was kind of narrow and over-grown. That led to a much better trail and we had lots of hills to condition on! Sky had a great time, as far as I could tell, even leading for a while on a trail that nobody knew where it would come out! We all made it home, safe and sound, and while the horses chilled out in Amanda's stalls, we had lunch. The ride home was uneventful and I'm looking forward to my first Blackwater ride of the year on Sunday.

Today was a day off for Sky - no riding, I mean. I realized from my Ride America log that I have ridden the past 7 days in a row, so I thought today would be a good day for a break. The vet was here this morning to float teeth etc. Sky went first as I was the first one to the barn... We had estimated a cost for everything based on having sedation so when Donna tried first to do her teeth wide awake, I freaked out a little. I didn't realize that it wasn't as uncomfortable for Sky as I imagined. I guess I thought of how I would feel if someone stuck a big file in my mouth to grind my teeth down and put that on Sky. I soon realized, and was explained to, that it wasn't bad for them. Sky even seemed to enjoy it, curious about the feeling and the instraments... Donna loved how good she was and I was proud of her!

The vet also said that her fungus-y mark is a sarcoid and that the best thing to do is leave it alone. She said that she could remove it but it would just come back. So, Sky has an ugly mark that nothing can be done about - just like her mom. I guess it runs in the family - or it's just who we are...

She also had her feet trimmed today - ten weeks (oops) after it was done last. I tried my best to explain to Bethany what John was talking about with regards to the shape of her foot and I think they look better. Bethany said that there is a possibility that her backs are wearing too quickly for barefoot and we'll keep an eye on it, but she might have to have shoes if she isn't growing wall....

So, today seems like it's been a lazy day - I have other things to do and I feel guilty for sitting around, but my guess is that won't last long.

C

"I'm high on life, can't you tell"

Clinton Anderson said that your horse will never stay at the same level, day to day - she is only getting better or getting worse depending on what you do with her.

Today, Sky is getting better.

C

Hey, Look Ma, One Hand!

Yesterday I rode with a couple of goals in mind... I wanted to see where I was if I rode with my reins in one hand, the way you are supposed to for shows, and I wanted to work on transitions.

I did both - and at the same time even... trotting, stopping, walking, trotting... you know the drill - all reining with my right hand only... it's measurably more difficult considering that the only reason I really will hold my hand this way is for shows - if I'm trail riding I leave my reins crossed and ride with one hand, but am always ready to use two if I need to. For training and schooling, I typically ride with two because I need as many tools as I can get.

But for shows one hand is the way (because you know if I was a cowboy out on the plains, I would need my other hand for roping etc.). So, yesterday I decided it was time that I better make sure I can do it when the time comes... Sky remembers a lot from showing last year and did great at the walk and trot. I concentrated a lot on smooth transitions, using my seat as much as I can to control her speed and get her to listen.

The walk and trot was going so well that I made a choice to go right ahead and ask her to lope while I had a free hand.... she is doing well with her lope but not perfect. She doesn't seem to get it the first time I ask... the second time she does great but the first is always bad... and I don't mean the first time for the session of riding... I mean the first time that I ask her after a little walking and trotting... I have got to get her to know what I mean and I'm sure it is my fault in some way. My big fear is hearing the 'all canter or lope' cue come out of the lould speaker and then be on the wrong lead! I know that there are worse things that could happen, but I think being on the wrong lead is a major faux pas.

We have two weeks left until our first show... well, thirteen days... ewww.. don't say it like that!!! I looked at my 'timeline' last night that I had made when I had five weeks to go and I am pretty much where I said I would be which is a good sign. However, the hardest preperation is ahead... I have to put the pieces together.... practice equitation patterns with the lope, practice trail courses with the lope, lots and lots of showmanship practice... I have to make sure that we are going to be ok to do w/t/c... it's going to be a busy 13 days.

C

Harvey and Sky together again

Today I was not alone. Betsy (YEAH) is back from vacation so today we managed to hook up for a ride. Harvey announced his presence with a whinny as he came up the road and Sky promptly replied. After we met up, I foolishly let Sky and Harvey sniff and she let out one hell of a squeal to him! Oops... I should have known Harvey is the only one she'll push around.

We took quite a jaunt, up the road and through some windy trails. We tried out a new trail off the power lines by Windswept's field, which Marty had found with his dirt bike... this one had a lot of branches and Sky was a fan of branches today - and leaves - and grass - anything green was pretty much attractive to Sky today! At one point she was so distracted by her leaf eating that she dragged me through a mess of branches... dead hard branches... in my face... branch, Branch, BRANCH!!! Ouch is all I can say. I usually try to make her manuver in some way when she eats but when you are going straight downhill on a trail not much wider than you are, there isn't much you can do but get through it...

We wound up coming out by the vegetable farm on Lisa's road, which was good - a full circle. As we came back into the yard, Michelle came back from the store and watched us as we worked on the lope in the yard. She took a little while getting the leads right and then we worked on loping over a pole... she can do it pretty successfully except that she is tending to kick out at the last second.

Tomorrow we (Michelle, Lisa and I) are going to the NH Quarter Horse show to watch the clinic and maybe some classes. Next Sunday Betsy and I have plans to go to Bear Brook to a Blackwater Ride and hopefully Betsy can go with me to ride with Beth in a few weeks. That would be good.

Gotta go watch the Preakness.

C

'all by myself''... (insert melody from sappy song)

So, today I was a brave girl - brave because even though I really don't like to go trail riding by myself (heck I don't like riding by myself, period) I went!

I've been waiting lately - waiting for Betsy to get back from vacation, waiting for Michelle to get out of work (not that I begrudge anyone having a job -gasp!), waiting for Lisa to have a moment to ride with me.... but today I decided to wait no longer. I had plans to ride with Betsy later this afternoon but Karl is insisting that we go watch our friends' son play t-ball (yeah). So, I have decided that if I am to give my ride up tonight then I will certainly go with Betsy tomorrow to the NH Horse and Trail ride at Bear Brook. That will be super fun, I think.

Anyway, Lisa and Josh are off getting tattooed so I was on my own. Sky cooperated well enough to come in, considering there isn't a round bale out right now. She lost about three pounds of pin hairs being groomed, a good thing, and I am noticing that she is getting 'beat up' again, a bad thing. As I got her ready, I mentally thought about whether or not I was to ride out alone... I set up peramiders in my mind like if she didn't hesitate out the driveway I would definately go. Silly me - of course she headed right out the driveway - she's actually pretty good riding out alone. That I think is a product of all the rides we did when I first got back to NH as well as the jaunts with Sadie in Texas. When you are the only one riding somwhere you get used to going out alone.

We only had one small altercation with a harley bike on the road and made it past the group of small children and the barking dog on the corner before we were home free down the dirt roads across from Boyce Road. It was pretty quiet and so was Sky once she realized that, yes, we are still going 'that' way. I trotted quite a bit from the left turn and down that road to the trail... stopping once only to get an offer from the mail man to join the pony express!

Sky did pretty well with that - we got some nice, easy jogging in which I have wanted to do for a while for conditioning purposes. Once we got to the trail that leads to across from Winswept, I figured it was best to go the way I knew for our first time out alone on these trails. Sky was more than happy to go the way she knew as well and the trail proved to be very nice. It has dried up a lot since the last time we went out on it, and she tromped through the one puddle perfectly. I had to push her a little bit once we crossed 132 (a breathless experience) and into Windswept's driveway. She hesitated a lot as we cut across to the field behind Betsy's field and spooked once at the mountain lion disguised as a rock! After that I pushed her a little harder to pay attention and stop looking for something to be scared of!

We made it to the back of Betsy's field and as I tried to remember the way to cut across to the power lines both Sky and I spotted a group of rather large turkeys.... Sky stopped dead in her tracks and picked her head up so high I thought she was doing an impression of a llama.... but as I told her, turkeys are a much better thing to be scared of than rocks... so we watched them as they trotted up the old logging trail and I spooked them along with my impression of a turkey... Once they disappeared I pointed Sky down the trail and we found our way along to the way to the power lines.

I had great hopes of finding a way to boondock across the woods by the power lines into the development next to Lisa's in order to avoid coming in the back gate... but the brush has grown up a lot since Betsy and I had tried it before and I couldn't find a way... So, we picked our way through the downed trees and I wrestled with the electric fence gate. It works out ok but it's not exactly the easiest thing either.

So Sky and I truly did a loop as we came back in the same stall and she walked right into the cross ties that she left about an hour + ago. I decided since it was so warm today to give her a bath (scrub a dub dub) and I must say she is looking very spiffy. Hopefully it lasts until the ride tomorrow. :)

Now I am headed to go grocery shopping, I suppose. I highly doubt that will beat out this ride as the highlight of my day.

C

oh money... money is the root of all evil.

So, there are a lot of things to pay for - I am finally paying the farrier for the two trims Sky got over the winter, we have teeth floating coming up which will include having the vet look at her nasty circle of fungus she's had for a long time and then I have the show coming up, not to mention the numerous trail rides I'd like to do.

These, and others, are countless reminders that by now my severance is gone and even though I am starting to get weekly unemployment checks, it will not be enough. Today I plan to submit an application to try to be a server for the rest of the summer - something I swore when I got laid off that I wouldn't do - but after having been pretty much out of work for two months I am realizing that it wouldn't be so bad. At the very least I have to support my equine habit and beyond that I should be contributing to my household!

It's a hard thing, in this day and age, to be a horseperson. I'm not going to talk about the economy like I am some kind of expert but as someone who has been personally affected by a drastic change in income... and not that I ever spent excuberently on my horse to start with but I do miss being able to buy the things I need. Here's my list: Sky needs a decent new working pad, baby pads for underneath so I don't ruin said working pad, I'd love myself a new turquoise show shirt and blanket, more fly spray, more grooming stuff, a sheet for show days...etc.. you get the picture. It's not really about stuff I "need" - need is a relative term. What we really need is to keep her healthy and that includes the above mentioned vet visit as well as another hoof trim and shots ... that list never ends... It's bad enough to hear it from my husband regarding board but after the tyraid of a fight we had a while back I think he knows that it's either me and the horse or neither of us. I would like to think he's learned to live with that fact.

Anyway, money troubles are rough. But the only comfort is knowing that unless the powerball jackpot falls into my lap there won't be much end to the things I want (not need, per say). Even if I had all the things I needed to not worry about showing and riding for the summer, I'd want to finish the work on the Explorer, find myself a trailer, go to Arcadia... you know.... 'needs'...:)

So, wish me luck in finding a job - any job - and be sure to sign up to be a sky fan - if I get enough followers I can put advertisements on my blog and maybe that could become my job! Right!!!

C

Ahhh, progress....

So, I promised an update on Sky so here it is...

We are doing much better than the day that I insisted that everything stunk (sorry about that). Today is Monday - I rode Saturday and Sunday and both days were amazing. She is doing much better on picking up her correct leads and her transitions are much better. I made a vow to not just school the whole time, so I took her across the road by herself.

Sunday Michelle was up for a ride, so we took ourselves a pretty uneventful stroll around Betsy's trail, by Windswept and down the road. We schooled in the yard for a while and Sky got her leads right again! We even loped over another pole which is exciting.

As this week unfolds, I'd really like to start loping with one handed reining and set up from fun trail course obstacles. Michelle is interested in getting into a 'real' ring, as am I, and Windswept quoted her 25 bucks an hour so I am thinking we might ask John if we can come down to Oak Rise sometime and use that ring. That way he'd get to see Sky go.

In other news, I got a cryptic email today saying that I no longer had a job - the part time one that I had picked up. I'm not all together that heartbroken about it b/c it wasn't that much money but I was counting on it for some horse $ but I'm sure I will find another way. As Scott was saying, I can always go back to waitressing! (we will see)

So, today I will ride a little bit and hang out with my good friends and co-miserate about all the crap we have to deal with. Maybe we will get around to the good stuff that we should be grateful for but as my good friend, Marcia, would say, "it's our nature to bitch".

I see a good future on the horizon. I can feel possibility around me and I know that my skills and my potential is going to have the opportunity to brim to the surface soon. How it materializes is yet to be seen.

C

Happy Mother's Day

Hello all...

just a quick post b/c I have an ansy butt right now - it's a nice day and I have the house to myself at home for the afternoon...

Sky is doing really well. The last two days I have worked her in the yard as well as gone out on the trail and she is getting slower at the lope and taking off much better! Yeah... I'll go into detail about that later.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, horse moms and dog moms out there. All women, really, because you know you are out there taking care of somebody's lazy bum.


C

the importance of being home...

I don't have a lot of riding post to say today, just because I haven't ridden since Wednesday but that's only b/c we've had friends in town and I figured that Sky would be fine for a couple of days while I spent some time with them.

Scott & Nikki live in NY currently and are moving here (Super YEAH inserted here) b/c Nikki got a new job. It's very exciting. We've known them forever, it seems. Scott cheered with me and Karl in college and has been Karl's best friend nearly as long as I've known him. I can barely remember a time when I haven't seen them together and haven't considered them brothers, really. I've gotten to know Nikki just the past few years but they've been together longer than Karl and I, I think.

Anyway, it's exciting that they will be back in the area because they have a young baby now and it's cool to be a part of his life and see him grow. And it's wonderful to have people who understand you and really know you around too. Karl and I are happy to have them stay with us while they have the inspections done on their new house and figure out all the paperwork. They will more likely than not spend anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks with us coming up while Nikki starts her job and they wait to close on their new house. Exciting.

I am working today - looks like I am simply babysitting the showroom just in case anyone wants to walk in off the street and buy a new bathroom. I can barely contain my enthusiasm....

After this I am going up to the barn, hoping it won't be raining, and get on my horse again. I would like to get her out on the trail and allow her to relax a little.. it's been work, work, work for her lately. But with Betsy having been gone on va-ca my pool of trail buddies has gotten significantly smaller. (Ah, there's another good reason why not getting this job is good- I will still be able to ride with Betsy! Yeah!) So, Sky and I might have to go it alone or stick to the yard, depending. Maybe... maybe, I can convince Josh to watch B for a bit while Lisa goes down the road with me. That might be a longshot.

We are getting close to the first show... let's see... almost three weeks excactly. Ouch. Not that we are SO far off from where we need to be, I just don't feel as prepared as I could be. We need to get that lope consistant and under control, we have to work on reining one-handed and we have to work on showmanship - those are the main things... beyond that we should do some more trail work, work our transitions, do some patterns and general conditioning... so, not a lot at all, really (sarcastic tone resignating).

Besides the worry that we are not good enough for show there is the worry about paying for everything! Between shots and teeth floating and old farrier bills I have a lot to pay for coming up and then there's the money just to enter the show... the new show shirt and pad I was eyeballing will have to wait, maybe until my birthday if I beg hard enough. So, I don't suppose sitting here and being paid for it is that bad after all.. especially consdiering that Karl has been generous enough lately to let me keep my piddily paychecks rather than adding them to the family bank account and I'm managing to save toward the above mentioned bills. I hope I can find a way to get to Marsh Billings coming up. I really want to do that.

Ayway, I gotta go... possibly do some real work. As everyone tells me keep your chin up.

C

I suck, I stink, I have no business riding at all!

So, those of you who are waiting for my truthful, angy rant about the job that I didn't get, I did write it but I am not posting it - I am trying to be above that and move on. Josh and Lisa took me out for a Cinco de Mayo pity dinner which washed my blues away (well, to the side) and today is a new day. Today I am (well, I was) looking forward to getting back on my own horse and starting anew.

After realizing I was going to have to ride alone, I got on Sky and gave it a shot. After a day off and a lot of 'working' she was pretty pissy. I tried my best to get her in line - going back to what I know and trying again - but she was still trying to get her head down at the lope and pretty much taking off with me! She is getting too far behind the bit so I was trying very hard not to bug her head every second and use my seat to slow her down but it wasn't working very well. We kept getting the incorrect lead which is frustrating (more to her than me and I was pretty frustrated) and after a while I could feel myself getting upset and worked up, which is never a good thing!

So I gave up and went in search of Lisa for help. Again. After the past few days of stress that I have had I had I am not surprised that I was frustrated with something going wrong - sometimes you hit the final straw and the camel goes splat!

Anyway, Lisa geared up and with Braeden in tow came down to give us her wisdom. Again. She helped me to calm down and to figure out how to slow her down without yanking on her and making her tuck her nose to her friggin chest! (GRRR.... feel the frustration...) After that she had me try to set her up and lope her... telling me not to 'goose' her - oh, you mean I shouldn't walk, walk, walk all calm, calm, calm and then BOOM ask her to lope! I did know that somewhere in my brain.. it just wasn't working today!

We managed to get the correct lead after a few tries and I realized. Again. that poor Sky is simply trying to do what I ask her to do and not being a b.i. - that she simply has no idea what I a asking her half the time b/c I cannot remember the training I've had for years and spass out.

Sky did a good job in the end. again. and I am disappointed in myself. John tells me not to be down on myself b/c he thinks I am a good rider (praise I do not deserve) and Lisa says I am just stressed about the past few days... Either way I suck, I stink and I have no business riding... I should pack it up now and pick some other hobby that I can actually do! I do not understand why I keep trying to do this thing that I am obviously no good at and I certainly don't deserve a horse as well trained and talented and full of heart as Sky is. She deserves a rider who knows what the hell she is doing! But, of course, I don't have the heart myself to let her go and I, somewhere deep inside and not at all on the surface right now, do have the drive to keep going and keep trying to learn and keep trying to make myself better than I am. Otherwise, I am just giving up and that is what a classless and small person would do and somewhere deep inside and not at all on the surface right now, I know I can make it happen.

Anyway, thanks. again. to Lisa for her help. We'll try this all again tomorrow at some point.

Oh, and we did lope over a pole today. She didn't kill me.

C